migraine u make me feel awful

Today started out as an okay day, able to get out of bed and head into work. After work, I got an instant migraine. It was horrible! I could barely drive home. I probably shouldn't have, I will admit it. It was the stress induced kind of migraine. Back of the skull, left side only (for me go figure) and straight to my eye!! when i got home i put heat on it and took some tylenol (no reason to, it doesn't work, but i took it just in case the placebo effect worked!). i finished up some work i needed to get done. struggling the whole time not to vomit.

I got chitlin some supper got her all snuggled into bed, and I headed right to bed, heating pad on my skull, laying on my left side. just praying that i don't vomit and that I don't want this to keep happening. It just takes me back to that place. I can't keep the tears in. I think crying helps me tho. I think it helps release the depression, and the sadness. The feelings of guilt, and the feelings of loneliness. The feelings of losing your friends because you can't go out with them. The feeling of inadequacy that you can no longer do your job at the 110% you once gave. The fact that you can't keep your house clean, let alone barely get yourself ready and presentable. This is how Hyperemesis makes me feel. I assume, and i think it is a safe assumption, that this is how you feel with any debilitating disease diagnosis. How thankful I am that mine has an end in sight, while others might be so lucky. I try so hard to be positive, I try so hard to make it through the day, I try so hard to keep it all together...But some days, I just can't. I can't keep it all together. the tears roll down my already soaked cheeks and the end is no longer in sight.

I hope that tonight my meds actually work, and that i can put myself into a peaceful slumber where i have no pain,  I have no hurt, I don't worry about what I am not able to do anymore, and I can just be me, be the me I used to be.

Until Later
~J