Monday, March 3, 2014

HG Helper and update

I was asked last week by Lyle at Beyond Morning Sickness to help out a fellow HG mom in my area. I was HONORED!! I of course said YES right away! I'm very excited to be part of this circle :) 
The HG family is so small so to continue to be a part of it is great!! 

Update on the Fam: chitlin is still loving school and we started her in swim lessons!! She loves it!! Baby girl is 10 months and taking steps here and there by herself!!! I think about where I was a year ago....what a difference!!! Hubby is doing well. And Me, yes Me!!! I'm hanging in there!! :D I'm working full time and making it through the days! I am happy and working through my continued anxiety. I once read it takes 3 months to heal from HG for every month you are sick!! Well if that is the case of the 27 months I have 10 down!!! :) 
BRING IT YEOTCHES!!!! 

I also have just joined a local HG group. Who knew there are/were others out there sooo close to me!!! Yay we are not alone :) high five girlies!!! We did it!!! 

Until later
~J 

Sunday, January 26, 2014

GI virus??? Food poisoning??? The world hates me???

This weekend was supposed to be ALL about fun!! Going to an indoor water park with family and friends, and a friend's daughters 1st bday party!!! Did we make it??? Nope! Why??? Cuz I'm on the shitter. Yep, u read that right!!! I'm on the shitter. Most of the time I'm not sure which end it will be coming from so I decided that Chitlin's bathroom is best since the tub is right close and I can do both as needed. Which......I've needed. Anywho......the reason for this post is to talk about PTSD. Now, I haven't been Dx with PTSD, but I can tell you after spending all this time BACK in the bathroom, I can relate all to well. Not only am I physically sick, but mentally I'm a wreck!!!
When I first started heaving I went into flight or fight mode and tears started streaming down my face. This was happening, and it was happening RIGHT NOW!!! I ran as fast as I could to the bathroom. There was NO WAY I was puking in that toilet so in the sink it went!! Horrible!! I started burning up!!! I started shaking, the tears were flowing and I was scared for my life. Chitlin actually said, "dad, ma's puking....AGAIN!!! It's been forever, come help her!" I about died right there!!! 
Hubby helped me get calmed down, helped with the kids AND scrubbed the toilet spotless for me!! Thank god!! I ended up needing it 1 more time, then realized, I'd be using chiltlin's bathroom! Lol 
The fear that came over me, the utter panic, it was..., I don't know, I can't even put words to it. Poorly described it was scary. I hope this gi crap passes soon cuz quite frankly, I don't want to keep feeling this way!!!

Happy thoughts!!

Until tmrw
~J

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Omg yes I'm still here!!!

10/27/2013
Pffft! I practically fell off the face of the earth! So much going on and NO time what so ever! Go figure right?!?!?! 

Anxiety- it blows hard core! Don't get me wrong, I'm a complete 180 from when I first was diagnosed 5months ago, but shit, it still is a HUGE part of my life. I honestly can say I hate it! But all I can do is keep fighting cuz dammit, I will win this fight! 
-what have I done to help already:
•counseling- HUGE DEAL helped a lot
•Meds- a continual work in progress. Some days I feel 100% other days I know they need tweaking (NOT TWERKING, tweaking) 
•talking to a friend/blogging/typing 

12/30/2013

I came on my blog to write as I am in midst of a panic attack and I see that this post was never published!!! How rude of me!! It's been sitting in my draft box for 2 months!!!  Well I better finish it and get it published!!! 

Anxiety can suck it. It has been over 2 months since I have had a full blown anxiety attack!!! I'm not saying it hasn't been hard, because god knows it has been! "Everyday I'm struggling" eh botched song lyric switched word attempt!! Anyway....as I am typing this in midst of my attack, I'm holding my precious baby girl who isn't such a baby anymore. She turned 8 months yesterday!!! I think of where I have been in the last 2 years!!! 

2 years ago I had no health concerns, other than being overweight, but couldn't get pregnant. Come hell or high water, we were going to have a beautiful baby!!! I talked with my friend Kellie and I instantly went Paleo. 6 short months later I was pg and well that's when this treacherous journey began. I'm still looking for answers and I don't know if I will ever get them??? 

The intense burning is the worst or at least tied for the worst. Feeling like u are unable to breathe due to the intense burning or maybe when u feel ur heart may just explode! Ugh... Those are tied too for first! No, no, now just wait...it's all just shitty the whole damn thing! 

When my attack started tonight I took 1/2 a Xanax, it helped a little, but now I took the other half in hopes that it indeed will help. If it doesn't help...well then, this isn't anxiety and something else is wrong!!! 

Going to lay down and try to let my meds work. Thanks for hanging in there with me and keepin it "real" 

Peace out!! ---do u like this closing??? 
J


Friday, September 13, 2013

First one in a while!

Hi everyone!!! Long time no write. I think it's been close to 2 months if not slightly longer. 
I was rocking the baby tonight after feeding her not thinking of anything in particular but having what I would describe as mini muscle jerks in my shoulders. Almost like a "tic" like when u are uncomfortable and ur body adjusts. Anyway, I'm sitting there and my chest begins to BURN, and I mean the someone is burning u with fire burn!!! It quickly moves below my breasts and then to my arms. I walk very quickly into our bedroom where I proceed to tell my husband I am having a panic attack. He aka why and then listens then goes back to bed. I lay the baby down on our bed and grab my Xanax. I take only 1/2 of .25
I have no idea if that little amount is going to help. At this point my skin is burning!!!!!!!i touch my skin and it is HOT to the touch!!! I take the temporal thermometer and it only reads 97.7-98.7 so frustrating! Where is all this burning heat sensation coming from?? Yikes!! It's been about 5 mins and the burning is going away but still there. I think the Xanax is working to help calm me down. 
I'm still so frustrated with why this happens to me at night and that I'm not "thinking" of anything. I was just sitting in the recliner rocking the baby. Nothing different from any other night. 
Ugh!!! I made it through but yikes!!
This crap is for the birds!
Until Later 
~J

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Yoga yoga yoga.

I did it tonight and boy, I am out of shape!!!! Go figure right?! I even managed some tummy crunchers. I'm feeling good about what I did. Now to keep it up! I will!!! I have to, for a better me! 

Until Later
~J

Monday, September 9, 2013

Migraines.....they make me Happy :D NOT!!!

So, I don't have another Neuro appt until Dec 23rd. I don't know if I can wait that long. Well of course I CAN, BUT I don't know if I will want to. So how can I fix this??? How can I "fix" my migraines. My hormones, my pain, etc....the easiest way...going Paleo! I am going to have to. I was hoping to "ease" into it and just be gluten free...it's not working!!! I am going to have to cut out ALL grains. It's going to be hard, but I have to do it. I can't, NO, I won't live like this anymore. Starting tmrw, I am going to be as Paleo as I can be until payday Friday. Then...it's  on. I will feel better, I will be healthier and really....who doesn't want to look. Feel, and BE better??? I better get my journal out too. 
So instead of being down and frumpy even tho I'm in lots of pain, I am going to be positive and make a plan!!! If I don't take care of me who will??? Let's throw some yoga into the mix too! I can do it!!! 

Until Later,
~J 

Friday, August 30, 2013

Long time no blog....

Long story short: My life continues to be a roller coaster! And not a fun, easy going roller coaster, like the whizzer at Great America....NO WAY not even close. It is like the Viper or déjà vu, or even shockwave. For all of u who went there in the 90's you sooooooo know about Shockwave. 
Most days are great, some are doable, some are tiring, some are painful and lastly most just suck. What's that equation work out to be u ask???? Waking hours is surely a ratio of 6.5/10. Most of the time I'm distracted so not that bad. Not bedtime, that's a different story I'd say a 4/10. Nothing seems to go right. The anxiety continues to climb at night and I just don't understand!!! I don't understand the subconsciousness of this horrible disorder. And maybe I never will. 
Until Later
~J