Thursday, January 31, 2013

Stress and changes

So feeling wise today I have been okay for most of the day. A little light headed and didn't drink or eat nearly enough!!! I'm sure I will pay for it tmrw :(

What got me today was STRESS!!! And without going into too many details, work, in general no matter where u are, or where u work can be stressful!!! When a person feels that the stress is too high, or could be interfering with their life, a change needs to be made. It can be a little change or a big change, but overall a change needs to be made. People come to this conclusion on their own frequently, but seldomly do they do anything about it. If u are one of these people that don't make the change, u have no one to be upset at but yourself.

Common sense, I know, prophetic doubtful!

I'm going to make some supper. Corn dogs...ugh...apparently baby girl wants corn dogs. My stomach says YES, YES, YES. My brain however....blech! Lol

Until Later
~J

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

better by day...heartburn by night

I had a decent day today. WAY better than yesterday! Good LORD! Way better than yesterday!!! Due to weather I got to spend the day with my Chitlin. We played legos, she colored, I made coco wheat brownies (they were okay), we cuddled on the couch watched veggie tales and drank hot cocoa. 

They day went by fast. I wanted a nap, but chitlin was thinking otherwise. 

Tonight we had pizza and a said brownie from above and I have heartburn like no other. BLECH!!

Gonna take my meds and go to bed.  Last night I crawled into bed with the hubby. It was nice, I fell asleep quick, but I was awaken many times by tossing and turning and then by him getting up at 5 to get ready for work. I would like to try again tonight. I just might. *I miss him. 

off to bed, I have a lot of work to catch up with tomorrow. 

Until Later
~J

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

So much truth in these little pictures

Some days we just need encouragement in writing















Crying feels oh so good!

This afternoon I decided to let all my guards down and just let everything go. I just had gotten out of the shower I was in there so long I used all the hot hot water. Shhh don't tell the hubs!!! I just sat there on the built in seat, thoughtless letting the water rinse my cares away. I really had not a thought in my head. When I finally got out I dried off and blow dried my hair for another 20+ mins. Long after my hair was dry. (Something calming about that damn hair dryer) I got dressed, and crawled on my bed and cried....I sobbed...I blubbered like an idiot, I shook, I drooled, and I cried uncontrollably. I just let it all out. After about 20 mins I was finally out of years, thoroughly stuffed up, and soaked the hubs pillow with snot, spit, and tears. I slowly got up, and felt relieved for the most part.
I know I got this, I know I'm almost through this, I know all of this shit is worth it, but darn it; I'm human. I am human...and I can't do it all the time. I have every right to let my tough guy guard down just like the next person. I'm strong, but I can only do so much. I need to remember that. I need a little card to carry around with me that reminds me of this!

Thank for listening

Until Later
~J

No such luck! 

I was hoping I was gonna feel better this afternoon, but no, I don't. I checked my blood sugar before eating this morning and it was 86. Which I think is okay. The doc isn't asking me to check them but I am.
I go in for my glucose testing next week Wednesday and I am just dreading it!!! I'm anticipating failing it as I can't seem to get in much protein and all my staples are carbs!! :/ if decided that if I fail my one hour, I don't even want to attempt the 3 hour one. I will just tell them to assume I have gestational diabetes and to plan accordingly. I can't imagine slamming down that horrible drink the waiting for 3 hours!!! Without food or drink!! U would have to hospitalize me!!! I'd be so sick!

I hate lunch at 12 so I will check my blood sugar a little after 2 and see what it's at. I was able to eat a couple bites of pork roast so hopefully that will help??!!!

Okay on with my day. I'm going to try and get some much needed work done for my job. We will see if my body cooperates!!

Until Later
~J

Oh by the way...thunderstorms and a high around 50 today, tmrw 31 and anywhere from 3-9" of snow, and Thursday a high of 8!!! Gotta love the Midwest!!!!! (And global warming) hope everyone is enjoying their Tuesday!!!

Not a good morning!!! What the heck happened??

Oh my goodness! Not a good morning at all!! I gotta blog about this so I can try and get this out of my head!!! Because the anxiety is going to be horrible if this keeps up all day!!

I woke up a little after 8am and could feel I was lightheaded already. With light headedness I get that lagged movement feeling. Does that make sense? Where u move ur head to look at something of just to turn and it takes a minute for ur brain to process it all. Yuck! I usually refer to this as feeling out of ur body, because its like watching yourself in slow motion sometimes. Anyway, I got up and took my zofran and went to lay back down. I tried to go back to sleep but it didn't work. I just lay there feeling my body work. I could feel it pumping the blood thru, I could feel it try and decide if I was gonna have dry heaves, if I needed to go to the bathroom again or not...ugh...yuck. I could hear my heart beat start echoing in my head, and feel it beat in my neck. This is when the anxiety takes over. I decided I needed to blog this morning so I can get these thoughts out of my head versus keeping them in. After all that's what my blog is for right?!

I am extremely nauseous right now and feel like I could throw up literally any second!!! I really don't want to! I'm hoping my body is just tricking me. I haven't fully thrown up since a few weeks ago when I was at work and my dad had to pick me up and drive me to the doc. I got 2 bags of IVs that day :) it was nice. (Afterwards!!)
I don't really want a repeat of the marathon puke session and I really just want my anxiety about this to all go away!! I don't know why it changes so drastically?!?! One of the GREAT unknowns of HG! How extremely lame!!! I have a TON of work to do today, and it NEEDS to get done as it is for my real job! Maybe I can try and start on it and it won't be so bad! OR it will be worse! Ugh
DAMN YOU HG!!! I LOATH YOU!!!

I'll blog more later

Until Later
~J

Monday, January 28, 2013

New water bottle :D and more

I love it (thanks to the hubs) :) it's 32 ounces! So if I drink at least 1 of these a day I'm on the right track!!! If I drink more: woot woot!! Even better. Today I drank one bottle of watered down lemonade, a 12oz glass of root beer, and some water in between. Yay me!!! Now IF only that much fluid would help with the nausea!! I suppose that it is helping me more that I realize.

I was going to sleep in bed with the bedroom with the hubs tonight...but...as I have been in here for an hour watching TV as he has been sleeping.....yeah, not gonna happen. I love him, BUT he is soooooooo loud! Wth??? When did this happen?? Is this why grandparents sleep in separate rooms??? It totally makes sense!!! Ugh...

Until Later
~J

Sunday, January 27, 2013

98 days to go!!!! I'm 26 weeks today!!!

I posted on Facebook today a neat little ditty that I made up to the tune of 99 bottles of beer! Lol I really can't believe I only have 98 days left!! I'm so happy!!

Today I didn't drink nearly as much as I needed today. But I will try harder tomorrow. I know I can do better. The hubs bought me a water bottle yesterday. I'm excited to use it tmrw. It's a 32 ouncer! Yikes!! I can do it!! I need to!

Baby girl is dancing around more too :) happy about that. I have my discount card to go back to Stork Vision. I've been trying to think about when to schedule another viewing!! :) I'm pretty sure they told me between weeks 28-31 are prime where the baby isn't too big that the umbilical cord is in the way or that they are all scrunched in there. Lol I gotta get my money saved up for it.

I wanna see her again!!! This next time she won't look like a kitten! Lol I can't wait to show her those pictures when she's old enough! Lol my little kitten! Lol

Off to bed, I have some wicked heart burn acid reflux. I'm blaming it on the root beer I chugged about an hour ago because I knew I was down on fluids AND the coco-wheats I ate. I think I'm going to have to switch to cream of wheat. Lol doesn't seem to bother me as much. OR I could just buy some rice put it in the blender dry, and make my own cream of rice. It would at least be gluten free then!! Ooh I must be tired! Listen to how ambitious I sound! Lol

Until Later
~J

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Fluids

Today I realized just how many fluids I am drinking. It's mind boggling that during my hardest and toughest times I couldn't even keep a sip down!!! Today alone I estimate close to 50+ ounces!!! That's insane!!! Months ago I was measuring tablespoons! It amazes me what the human body can really endure! Obviously the body gives LOTS of warnings and I had A LOT of them!!!
I am thankful that today, today was a doable day. And I'm hopeful tmrw will be as well! Fingers crossed!!!

Until Later
~J

Friday, January 25, 2013

I have hit 100 days!!!!

I cannot believe it!!!! My last triple digit day!!! AMAZING!!! I can't believe I made it!!! It's a continuous roller coaster ride, but it fingers crossed its a better ride for the last 100 vs the first 180!!! Woot woot!!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Quick FMLA update and induction

so I hadn't heard anything from our employee health department about my FMLA so I just decided to call them, since I was feeling like I needed to use a day of it and didn't know if it had been approved.

I have never had a problem with the Employee Health Department. Especially the one person I always talk with/to. She has been more than helpful on more than on occasion. Actually multiple occasions. I need to fill out a satisfaction forn for her....Anyway...She told me I was approved for intermittent FMLA through May 6th my due date and if I needed it longer than that because baby girl was late, that they could adjust it as long as I hadn't used up all my time. REST ASSURED I corrected my ever so nice Employee Health Department Worker that that would NOT be necessary as I have already decided come 39 weeks, if baby girl is still all comfy in her home...an eviction noticed would be served. She giggled and played it off as a joke... I however...wasn't joking. I was as serious as can be.  SO.....got my FMLA approved and depending on how much I will need, I may even have some left over for maternity leave and May not have to go on Medical Leave of Absence. That would be awesome!

Back to induction....I have given this a lot of SERIOUS thought. With chitlin i didn't need to be induced. I had my membranes stripped at my 40 week appointment and 2 days later, my water broke and out she came. =-) no frills no thrills.

I know that with induction labor can be harder, but it can also be easier. I know there can be complications, but I know that with any birth there can be complications. I don't want to be selfish and be induced because I am uncomfortable, but part of me, thinks....If I make it to 39 weeks, that is 273 days of HG riddled pregnancy, I could use a week of early. Yes, I know a baby baked until full term is best. I know that. And that is the only thing holding me to not wanting to discuss induction with my OB. *sigh* I think, I hope to make it 273 days...whats 7 more? right? good lord....the personal dilemma. I am hoping that Baby Girl just listens when I tell her she can come early on her own when she is ready and that is AWESOME! maybe she will help me out with this dilemma and do it her way...I will say tho...If I go over 40 weeks....nope...no question...this baby is getting an eviction notice.  Chitlin was 2 days overdue....NO WAY I will do that this time. 40 weeks 280 days is all HG is getting, nothing more. NO WAY it has already taken that much of my life, it isn't getting a second more. NOT A SECOND. maybe that is how I will bring it up to the doc. yes, I think that is what I will do. I like that. okay, well....I am beyond tired, I had a gross barfy day, and tomorrow isn't going to be any better. so......

Until Later
~J

I can't wait....

Until I'm not pregnant anymore!!! Not only for the obvious reasons, but as soon as I am baby free I am going to request a referral to the neurologist!
There is still a part of me that doesn't believe that my left side only symptoms are only pregnancy related.

It doesn't really make sense to me that pregnancy would only cause me to have a migraine on my left side of my skull, or only my left eye would have pressure behind it OR the one affected eye with eyelash dandruff/a sty!! Yes I still have that!!! Ugh!!! Or that only my left shoulder hurts almost constantly, or that my tricep and bicep and deltoid become cold and numb. OR that ONLY my left leg mid shin to my foot goes numb almost daily. Well all these symptoms occur daily... Some days worse than others, but really can pregnancy be so one sided??!!!
Based on "all the tests" I had originally, no one can confirm anything besides pregnancy. Which is why I want a repeat MRI or a CT scan of my head after the baby is born. Call me crazy or tell me I have some form of health anxiety, but after feeling like I had a stroke 19 weeks ago then dealing with all this HG...I believe ANYTHING is possible and I'd rather be safe than sorry.
Currently my biggest anxiety trigger or fear is that something horrible is going to happen during labor: I pass out, I have a stroke, I have an aneurysm blow, I have to have an emergency c section, or something worse. I don't know?! But the anxiety is surely getting to me :/ ugh!!!
Who knows, maybe IT IS all pregnancy related, and maybe Pregnancy can be biased and only affect 1 side....who knows???

Feeling very barfy today. Didn't wake up that way...woke up to chitlin in my bed watching PBS kids! Felt good until about 10. I haven't been able to recover since. Blech! I'm gonna try to nap before working later. Maybe chitlin will snuggling in with me!! That would be awesome!

Until Later
~J

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Work

It's overrated! Whether u are sick or not! Today while at one of my jobs I realized, it was only an hour after I had gotten there and I was exhausted. And I don't mean, "oh, I'm a little tired, I'm surprised" no, uh-uh!!! I'm talking, "holy crap, I need to catch my breath, find a damn bed somewhere and take a 2 hour nap!" Exhausted!!! I don't understand how my body knows when it just needs to keep going some days! Today was one of those days!! Other days I'm not surprised when my body gives me the 2 finger salut and screams, "F U" either. Lol typically those FU days are multiple in a row and follow the day where I just worked too hard.
I'm happy that tmrw I get to work from home! It is going to be nice. Chitlin will be home with me and we will have a good day together...as long as she doesn't turn 15 on me again!
It really is inconceivable to me how a soon to be 5 year old can turn into a sassy 15 year old in the blink of an eye! Boy are we in trouble! Lets hope the new baby mellows her out!

Off to take my meds and off to bed!

Until Later
~J

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

too tired

to blog tonight....trying to get myself psyched for work tomorrow morning.

Until Later
~J


Monday, January 21, 2013

Sleeping with the hubs

Tonight I decided I would try and sleep with the hubs. I am feeling depressed, sick, alone, etc. etc. and being close to him really does help. *sigh* I've been in here 10 mins and
1. I've put my ear plugs in.
2. I've debated recording him
3. I'm missing my quiet little bungalow in the other room.

It's not his fault!!! Well, it kinda is, cuz it's him, but it isn't his fault. I cannot handle the noise. And it's not like he is hootin and hollerin in his sleep. Just normal sleep noises plus snoring...but this HG mama cannot handle it!!! It drives me crazy!!!!
Poor guy, just wants to sleep and I'm poking and jabbin him in the ribs to move over and be quiet. Maybe i should head back to my bungalow?! Lol

Until Later
~J

No update

No update, things are still the same. :/
I just need to sleep the next 14weeks and 6 days!

Trying to keep it all in

Sitting at the chiropractor right now trying to keep it together and not just start bawling! God I hate this soo much!!! The nausea is unbelievable and relentless!!!
I still haven't heard about my FMLA so I don't know if I can use that to call in with. Ugh....so OVER this! What an understatement.

A call to the doc is needed :/ I was really hoping not to... But I can't keep it all in. Gonna call and see what they can offer me? Hopefully something.

Stay warm blog peeps temperature is 1* not including the windchill right now.

Until Later
~J

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'

I was hoping to feel better, but in all reality I'm feeling worse. I don't know if Barfy is a word, but I'm totally using it and coining this term. I am über Barfy! I don't know any other way to describe it. I wish I did. I went into work and did my time card stuff and came home.
I had to self talk myself on the way home. The anxiety that I feel when the barfiness begins is unreal! It's really amazing the things ur body does in fight or flight. Apparently my shoots into anxiety mode when I feel Barfy! Lol (funny but not really) it really does overcome me. It's all I can concentrate on. I'm constantly thinking: where can I vomit, how much am I going to vomit, am I going to need to pull over to vomit, etc.... Tonight I forgot my cell phone at home so then the anxiety of crashing while vomiting came into play. What will I do if I drive off the road?? Ugh...the beast. I really try to keep my post on the light side, but sometimes, it's just not possible.
I'm hoping for a better day tomorrow. I'm gonna try and eat something, probably more cocoa wheats or instant mashed potatoes. BOTH are extremely giving on the way back up! I also better go clean the toilet. You all know how I hate barfing into a dirty toilet!!!

Oh...this reminds me, I was watching a talk show the other day and the celebrity on (I think George stefenoploisis' sp? Wife) had HG as well. She REFUSED to vomit into the toilet. ANY toilet! So once when they were on a mini vacation she spent the whole time at the hotel barfing into towels and neatly folding them when she was done and would put them in garbage bags for the cleaning people!!! Omg!!! I could never do that to someone!!! Then....when they ran out of towels she used the sheets on the bed!! Can u imagine???!!!! Yikes!

Anyway, I've decided on mashed potatoes. Gonna snuggle into bed and see if Downton Abbey is on tonight. Then off to slumber land. My body is exhausted. Will be saying my prayers for a better day tmrw.


Until Later
~J

The evilness strikes again!!

It never ceases to amaze me how fast HG can consume and ruin me. I had my day all planned out... Maybe that's why it got me today! Stupid crap! Same old thing, left side of my body affected, lightheaded and not able to sit up. Just finished eating a piece of pizza and already regretting it. I took a Zantac and I took my zofran early. 105 days to go.....105 days....

Until Later
~J

Being a stay at home mom (SAHM)

I'm really trying to figure out how I can be a SAHM or at least a 3/4 SAHM. The more I think about having to work when baby girl is here the more depressed I get. Chitlin will be in kindergarten next year and I want to be able to volunteer and do things with her as well!!
I'm not sure how to make this work. We have reduced our bills as much as possible. I think I will need to still work some, but I am going to be selfish and want it on my terms and my hours. Yes I know...it's a DREAM, but it's my dream!
I have a few months to figure this out! Any input would be great!

Returning to the workforce full time does not appease me one bit! Maybe, maybe, I need a change in jobs? Something where I don't get sucked in for the cause. A job where I punch in and punch out and do mindless work for a few hours a day? Maybe that's what I need. Family is more important to me than work, and that was become more apparent to me with this pregnancy.
I will really have to do some soul searching and some job searching.... Just to see what really is available and why it is I really want to do.

Until Later
~J

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Cupcakes and cleaning

I'm exhausted!!! I helped the hubs move more stuff out of the office and into the basement. And by help I mean I supervised ;) got my air bed to fit in the office and his desk chair ;) lol

And after he moved everything I enjoyed 2 cupcakes with frosting :D very yummy!! I would have liked to have them last night....but whatevs.

Giving chitlin a bath, gonna eat supper then I'm off to bed.

I didn't take my unisom last night, just forgot as it was so late my the time I got to bed. I had the most bizarre dreams and I feel like I didn't sleep at all because my mind was racing with all the dreams!!!

Nausea was at bay today which is good since we needed to get things done. I'm learning the fine line between doing too much because I feel "good" and doing just enough to not feel like crap!!! It's hard because I feel like I could do so much more, but I KNOW I can't :/

25 weeks (for real this time) tomorrow!! That means 15 weeks for real, and then starting Monday 14 weeks+ days. Sooo close!!! Soooo close!!!

Friday, January 18, 2013

HE DIDN"T BUY CUPCAKES!!

OMG!!!! I don't even know what to say right now??? if your pregnant wife who suffers from HG tells you to get her a damn cupcake....YOU DO IT!!! He says he will get them tomorrow....HMMMM....We will see! lol

Until Later
~J

I slept really good last night!!! 24 weeks not 25!!! UGH!

Well, I am so glad, that i decided to set up my "new room" I never once heard the hubs: snore, talk in his sleep, wake up for work, shower, NOTHING!!! he came in to say goodbye, and I was shocked that it was morning already! I am excited for tonight too! LOL!!! it is the little things in life right?!

I do need to get another blanket on the bed tho, I slept in one layer of clothes (typically I sleep in 2!) and only had a short sleeve shirt on. SO.....I gotta make sure to keep warmer.

I worked a morning shift today and a night shift. I am wiped. I was able to catch a little shut eye in between, but only 30 mins. Chitlin had some great things to show me today, and I just couldn't miss them. They included her awesome artwork, and her new dance. Boy is she a busy little girl. I may have watched some of the dance with one eye closed, but it was still beautiful!

Tonight at work, I got kicked in the back! OUCH!!! completely caught me off guard. I got to explain to the kicker that I had a baby in my belly and that they weren't allowed to kick. just gentle touches...LOL!! they sorta got it. I think because there is NO BELLY....it makes it hard to grasp the concept that there is a baby in there!

I really hope I POP sooner than later here. I am starting a little, but nothing too noticeable. Its gotta happen! My last pregnancy I think I really started to show at 5 months or so....Im past that.

OH>>>>I almost forgot...all week I was thinking i was 25 weeks along this week. UGH...NO, still at 24! what a crappy thing to realize that I have another week of being sick! BLECH!!! what the heck! LOL!!!

my nausea has been doable today. it wasn't off the charts like it typically has been. I am not saying anything as I am NOT going to jinx myself AGAIN!!! Hubs is in town right now, I sent him a text to get me vanilla cupcakes with frosting...LOTS of frosting!!! 

My next doc appointment is Feb 6th they are going to check my iron levels AND I am going to have to do my glucose testing.....I am not looking forward to this for 2 reasons. well maybe 3....1, I am afraid I am going to have GD because all i want is sugar and carbs ALL THE TIME.... 2, I don't even want to think about drinking that horrible orange crap, without being able to eat prior to it! BLECH...I don't look forward to the waiting part either! It is NOT going to be fun. I just hope I pass it. I didn't pass my 1 hour one my first pregnancy, but that was because I did it wrong. =/ and had to do the 3 hour one. I remember almost passing out with that one. I don't need that again! (considering I feel that way anyway most everyday!)

....not patiently waiting for my cupcakes! LOL

Until Later
~J


Thursday, January 17, 2013

My new room

Well today I got out our sweet air bed and set it up in our office. I put my new mattress topper on it and its super comfy :) I also bought a small TV for "my new room"
I was feeling really guilty about the hubs having to sleep on the couch. And he's starting to get back pain. So I decided setting up a room for me would be a good idea :)
I really like the air bed, better than the regular bed. And with my mattress topper it's pretty sweet!

I had a busy day today and didn't feel too barfy. So that's good. I'm knocking on wood for tmrw as I work in the AM and the PM. Hopefully a nap in between! I gotta keep feeling "good"

I'm off to bed, I need sleep!

I put in pictures sorry the color is so bad. My iPod doesn't have a flash.

Until Later
~J



Wednesday, January 16, 2013

co-co wheats



Today I spent almost my entire day in bed. I woke up in time to get Chitlin' ready for school, and drop her off. Yes, that means that I did not shower and  I did not get dressed, well....I did put on a hooded sweatshirt and i had pajama pants on that were black so they looked okay. I didn't even put a hat on. Yeah....THAT bad!! anyway....got home and laid in bed until 1:30 pm. I couldn't move. My Migraine was all over my head. Not just the base of the skull, but the top, the sides, behind my left eye...It was bad. I tried sleeping, but even that made feel uncomfortable. I laid, laying on my left side, staring at the wall. with the occasional trial of looking at facebook. not too successful. dry heaving most of the day.

I got up at 1:30 and showered and slowly got ready for my chiro appointment at 3. I just gotta tell you. I LOVE MY CHIROPRACTOR. I don't know if she really is fixing me, or if it is a placebo affect, but at this point...I don't care. She had me on the table and just touched my neck, I could feel it zing all the way to my toes. I told her that and she just sighed heavily and said, "Joleen, I have never seen a pregnant woman this tweaked" YIKES! that says a lot because she specializes in seeing pregnant women! AHHH!!! anyway...a couple pushes, cracks, pops, and zingers later, i walked out feeling better.

Headed to work, worked a couple of hours, then came home.

Its late, 10:30pm here and I am starving. I already ate some co-co wheats. MMM....so good. I love them. I guess I always have, but recently, I have been craving them. weird! Not really, I am pregnant! nothing should surprise me anymore.

I get most of the day off tomorrow, gotta do some work from home if I am able. I hope it isn't another day stuck in bed.  Wish me luck!

Until Later
~J

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

migraine u make me feel awful

Today started out as an okay day, able to get out of bed and head into work. After work, I got an instant migraine. It was horrible! I could barely drive home. I probably shouldn't have, I will admit it. It was the stress induced kind of migraine. Back of the skull, left side only (for me go figure) and straight to my eye!! when i got home i put heat on it and took some tylenol (no reason to, it doesn't work, but i took it just in case the placebo effect worked!). i finished up some work i needed to get done. struggling the whole time not to vomit.

I got chitlin some supper got her all snuggled into bed, and I headed right to bed, heating pad on my skull, laying on my left side. just praying that i don't vomit and that I don't want this to keep happening. It just takes me back to that place. I can't keep the tears in. I think crying helps me tho. I think it helps release the depression, and the sadness. The feelings of guilt, and the feelings of loneliness. The feelings of losing your friends because you can't go out with them. The feeling of inadequacy that you can no longer do your job at the 110% you once gave. The fact that you can't keep your house clean, let alone barely get yourself ready and presentable. This is how Hyperemesis makes me feel. I assume, and i think it is a safe assumption, that this is how you feel with any debilitating disease diagnosis. How thankful I am that mine has an end in sight, while others might be so lucky. I try so hard to be positive, I try so hard to make it through the day, I try so hard to keep it all together...But some days, I just can't. I can't keep it all together. the tears roll down my already soaked cheeks and the end is no longer in sight.

I hope that tonight my meds actually work, and that i can put myself into a peaceful slumber where i have no pain,  I have no hurt, I don't worry about what I am not able to do anymore, and I can just be me, be the me I used to be.

Until Later
~J

Monday, January 14, 2013

deleted.....ugh....

WELLL.....I just had a 5 paragraph entry that was ever so easily deleted!! some days i really dislike my laptop!

Lets paraphrase.... i had a doable day, only 2x today i felt like passing out. chitlin is feeling better but still has a cough, the hubs is better, I was going to sit out in the living room tonight to watch tv with the hubs,  but by the time i got out there, he was stretched out on the chair SNORING!  Well I tried.

Okay, going to end this entry so it doesn't get deleted AGAIN!

Wish I coulda posted what i had before. lesson learned...Don't post from the laptop. post from the ipod.

Until Later
~J

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Some daysit just doesn't matter...

Some days it doesn't matter how hard u try, u just can't: outwit, out play, out last. Not able to be a Survivor today. The tears are rolling and no amount of distraction is able to help. These are the times I hate with a passion. These are the times I want to forget forever!!! I don't ever want to feel this way EVER again!!!

Until Later
~J

I lost the battle today and I can't wait!!!

Despite getting in a nap this afternoon, the shear exhaustion of the week/weekend taking care of chitlin through her sickness and needing to get up early today for our mandatory work meeting, I am throwing up the white flag!
The nausea is beyond bearable! I'd love to take a unisom right now, but the hubs isn't home and I am with chitlin.
The room isn't spinning but I am getting the lagged movement feeling. U know when u move and it takes ur eyes and brain time to process it. Ugh BARF!!! My left arm is numb and so is my lower leg. Always telltale signs for me.
I just have done too much in the last week and its catching up with me.
Laying in bed trying to relax. I don't need the anxiety creepin in, although I can tell it is because my pulse is 90.
No matter how hard u try to do the right thing, or stay positive, etc; HG doesn't care and throws u thru a loop literally!

Today I am 24 weeks!!! I officially have 16 weeks left! I can't even remember when I was 16 weeks and had 24 weeks to go, and frankly....that's a good thing as I see it. 112 days to go!!! Time cannot go fast enough!!! I cannot wait to be my normal self again. something I never realized I took for granted....being myself!
Gotta take meds...hoping not to drive the porcelain buss this afternoon!!! I just CAN'T do it!

Until Later
~J

Saturday, January 12, 2013

I'm gonna knock....on wood!!

So chitlin got a primary diagnosis of cough with secondary diagnosis of influenza today at urgent care. It has been a long day!! Lots of coughing lots of crying!!! Of course they had her wear a mask....u woulda thought someone asked her to eat worms!! The tears which just induced more coughing and then not being able to breathe!! Oh it was horrible!!
I was not feeling the best to start with, nausea decided today was its day! Prolly because I was up so much last night with her. My body just hasn't had time to recover!
Today the same thing, I'm just exhausted. Got some meds for chitlin Tylenol with codine and within 10 mins of taking it she was out! I tried napping while she was but I was too nauseous! GO FIGURE!!!
Anyway, doc asked if anyone else in the house was sick, I told him the hubs. The doc promptly told me I need to sleep in the car! Lol I told him not to worry as I've been sleeping alone for awhile ;) he also told me he was surprised i wasn't sick either!
SOOOO....I'm gonna knock...on wood, that I don't get it and I just have an amazing immune system ;) again....KNOCK on WOOD.
Chitlin's out, so I'm gonna go to bed! Well lay down anyway. Maybe I better shower and decontaminate before crawling into bed....yeah prolly a good idea. Hope the nausea goes away tmrw!!! I'm over this crap!
Until Later
~J

Friday, January 11, 2013

What does nausea mean?

Nuisance
Alienated
Up-chucking
Salivating sickness
Emesis
Awkwardly aware

I told the hubs yesterday that I'm wondering after this pregnancy is over in 16 weeks and 2 days, if I will have the same response to nausea? That at the first nanosecond I may think I'm nauseous, If my body will go into panic mode and begin vomiting every where? I wonder if I will be able to ever regulate again? With lots of things: nausea, hormones, food, liquids, endurance, activities....so many ways that HG effects no, affects? Ugh...which one...affects ur life, that u are hyper aware of EVERYTHING and unfortunately, I mean everything.
Food for thought! Ooh, pun intended.

Tonight I am up past my bedtime. Chitlin is still coughing, no fever thank goodness! That broke, but I'm up late and I really shoulda taken an extra dose of zofran....ugh... I've got "the lump" u remember me talking about the lump! It's so horrible! I took my unisom and B6 so I'm hoping that will help. Idk if it will or not, but I wanna go to bed so I can sleep the Pukey-ness (why did auto correct capitalize Pukey?) away. Blech! :X

Until Later
~J

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Postpartum nausea??!! What??!!

Going through my few baby boards a "great" question was brought up...is it possible for the nausea to start up again or even never go away after u have ur baby, when u have HG?

I really should never have looked at ANY of the responses!!! I should have just skipped over then damn post.

APPARENTLY it can happen!!!! And it can just keep going, or it can come back, it can be severe, it can be mild...
Oh my god!!! I had to stop reading the responses because I got so hot!! It was horrible!!
I joke about "winning the lottery" with this pregnancy but if I were to win the freaking lottery twice and continue to be sick AFTER baby girl is out, oh u better believe shit will hit the fan!! I guess more likely than not it will be vomit hitting the fan but still!!! I get the idea!!!

Please lord don't let me win the double lotto!!! Please and thank you!

Until Later
~J

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

I had an awesome title...Then i forgot it

PREGNANCY BRAIN......not cool....also known as MOOSH BRAIN, CRS BRAIN (Can't remember $hit), and many other names i am sure.. I am lucky if I show up at the right house for work most days! I have such word finding problems that I seriously thought about having a Speech Therapy to work on my Cog skills! I thought, "I can do this myself...Get a crossword book, or a sudoku book" Yeah, no, not happening. I just have to realize that I will have moosh for brains until the baby is here, THEN, and only then will i get to suffer through Mom of 2 Brain! Good lord, is there an end if sight!?

Today was a better day, I still don't feel 100% but I have been drinking water (GROSS) like it is going out of style. so, i mean that is good.  OMG! I just remembered my awesome title: Sneeze and Leak!

Yes...Sneeze and Leak.  Lets be honest here...How many of us have sneezed (or coughed) and oops....dribble dribble!!! I have to say I am lucky enough to not have completely wet myself YET....but I am sure it is going to happen soon enough.  Its that whole, if you are standing and you know you have to, you cross your legs then sneeze.  That is a classic not wet yourself move. I'm notorious for it. Watch me the next time I sneeze and I am standing. EVERY TIME...I do it =-) Tonight, I was sitting on the bed catching up on the Facebook goods and out came my 5+ sneezes and the last one, I just knew! I tried getting up but, there was no hope...Dribble Dribble. LOL!!! good times being preggers.

Okay back to the drinking water....ugh...I don't like it...I do add contrytime lemonade to it from time to time. that helps but sometimes it causes more heart burn then anything. 
i gotta get to the store and get my Big Sky root beer (NOT THE ORGANIC KIND) as there are 5 cans of that still in the basement fridge. I just need the regular real sugar kind. I am thinking that the High Fructose Corn Syrup in the  A & W is contributing to my headaches.  Yes, I am one of THOSE moms. I am semi-crunchy remember?!!

Before i forget, send me some extra good vibes, Both the hubs and Chitlin are SICK!!! coughs mostly and both running low temps. Chitlin is spending the night at my parents and Hubs is sleeping in her bed. I came home tonight and he was already asleep. I got home about 7:30! poor guy!  I am staying away tho!! That is the LAST thing i need is to get sick. I stopped at the rents to spend time with Chitlin. She really is growing up! I can't believe in April she will be 5! where does the time go?

Heading to bed, and hoping for some good sleep. I need it. I gotta shake this last little bit of residual crappy Monday feeling.

Until Later
~J

 
 

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Vertigo, let's take a spin

Ugh! For real? After my huge ordeal yesterday he feels it is entirely possible I am suffering from vertigo. Oh this is JUST wonderful! So we will see what happens :( he told me to go buy Dramamine and keep it with me at all times. I'm just soooo done with this all!
I just want this over!! (I know, I'm whining).
He did say I need to be aware of the differences from vertigo and being lightheaded. If i am lightheaded to often, I can pass out due to low blood pressure. Today mine was 90/60. So to combat that, I need to drink more fluids (of course I do).

He said my numbers otherwise look good and baby has a good heartbeat. And he is not worried about Baby at all and just wants me to check in with him and come in as needed for fluids if I have more vomiting.

If life were that simple, to just "check in" and poof a baby comes!!! Awesome!!!!

Also, doc mentioned hard to believe I'm 23 weeks, cuz I don't have a belly, BUT my uterus is measuring 24cm! Woot woot!!! Gotta love being a "thick" girl ;)

Monday, January 7, 2013

Baby girl u rock my world or at least my gut!

Anxiety is creepin' (as Eric Church would say) anyway, lookin for distractions as I can't seem to get to sleep! Took my zofran, but couldn't bring myself to take the unisom and B6. Too afraid. As I lay here constantly checking my Facebook, my twitter, I'm Instagram, my emails, my Baby center groups, baby girl is kicking, punching, and doing jumping jacks giving me a reminder to keep going. Called my parents and my dad will be taking me to my appointment tmrw. I'm too afraid ill still be so lightheaded that it won't be safe to drive. Enter anxiety. I just can't understand why I have this added dizzy/lightheadedness component. It makes me worry about blood clots and anuresyms <<< what a dumb word! And low/high blood pressure and blood sugar issues *sigh* all the crappin things u don't wanna think about, they start stirring around in ur already floating brain. I hate it!!! I really really do. I hope to get some answers tmrw.
Because this laying on my left side not moving at all just my thumb, it's getting pretty old!

PS thanks baby girl for all the karate chops!!! Mommy needs them tonight. I love u my HG princess.

Until Later
~J

Help me over this mountain (previously titled "I'm so over this $hit")

Here's my breakdown crying post. U have been warned! Thankfully the vomiting and for the most part (50%) my nausea has gone away. Thanks to the medical attention I received today. New trick I learned....chew ur zofran, it gets in ur body sooner. AND if u puke after taking, u can take it again...nice!
But what I can't shake is the dizziness, lightheadedness, spinning. If I shift my eyes too fast.... Watch out world, I'm coming down. I really really really am just so caught off guard by such a horrible day! I mean, I've been having some bad days, but not like this!!! This has me slipped right into regression of week 15,or so!!! The first thing I did when I almost fell out of the truck today dropping chitlin off at school was call the hubs and tell him I am scared. I was so scared!!! I don't want to be I. That dark place again!! I don't want to have those negative thoughts!!! That's not who I am!!! And it surely isn't who I want to be! I cried so hard today for the fear that I will end up in that dark place of despair and I don't want it!!! I don't want anything to do with it. I want my "good" days with my baby kicking my insides with the happy thoughts of what will be coming up....today all that joy and love was stripped from me. Maybe momentarily...(hopefully). I sit here typing this bawling scared to death that tomorrow will be a repeat of today (and its not over), and I worry. I worry that I am not strong enough to make it out of that dark place a second time. I know in my heart I have to.....but I question if I can. Tonight I will be praying to grandma and God. Please help me have the strength to get over this mountain and one step closer to my baby girl!

Until Later
~J



The good, the bad, and the ugly.

The good....I ended up not working today....(I guess that is good...)

The bad...I needed my parents to come get me from work after I almost fell down out of my truck/fainted from being so dizzy, threw up so much i got a bloody nose and threw up so much that I was throwing up blood streaked mucus and stomach bile! SWEET!!! (OPPOSITE DAY!)
SERIOUSLY!!!!! WTH is wrong with me??? once I got to the doc they weighed me and GOOD NEWS....UP 4 pounds!!! YAHOOOO!!!!! but I was moving so slow. everything was just spinning! got in did my BP and it was 122/60 not bad. then they came back and said they needed orthostatic....well....you remember last time...that meant VOMITING!!! so I did it and my BP plummeted and my pulse rose like crazy, the whole darn room was spinning, I had my puke bag and was ready for it, gagging... They did some blood draws and a UA.
The PA I saw pumped me full of fluids, 2 liters! THANK GOODNESS! I guess I needed them! I was pretty bad. even though, I felt as though I had a good weekend. Anyway...I was still pretty dizzy but not as bad, and they had me to an orthostatic again and it was better. so, I guess that is good. Im home now on bedrest for the rest of the day, I am going back to see my OB at 8am tomorrow. I have my FMLA paperwork filled out he just needs to sign it. UGH....This is HORRIBLE!

The ugly.....17 weeks.....17 weeks....17 weeks.....I can do this...I can do this...
I am at such a loss because I have been overall VERY good, with just a few bumps in the road recently. and I think that the "Good" days out weigh the bad. therefore I don't know if my OB will go for Home IVs. Last time this happened he just had me come in when I needed them, and I really didn't need but that one. and now....BOOM IN MY FACE!!! I just, don't know.....HG I hate you....a lot!
Guess I will be asking questions tomorrow. Home health? different med? what changed? did I do too much and I really relapsed? I mean....come on??? Okay enough whining and no need to dwell.... in bed to rest. thank goodness for laptops, ipods, kindles, and every other wireless device....at least i won't get bored. RIGHT??

Until Later
~J

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Low key and baby clothes oh my!

Today was LOW KEY! And I'm good with that! I slept in until almost 9 but lounged until 10! After the busy wedding day I needed a quiet day.
Met with the in laws for lunch where I proceeded to eat 1/2 a Parmesan chicken open face sandwich and a handful of Tator tots SUCCESSFULLY!!! Wow! Wouldn't of guessed that!
Got home around 2 and haven't left my bed except to give chitlin a shower, feed her an awesome supper of cheese fries and corn dogs. Left overs from lunch. However, I added the cheese to the fries to "spruce" them up a bit ;) yeah, I'm that kind of mom! Lol.
I'm glad I've been able to stay low key today as it allows me to recoup from yesterday but also lets me rest for tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I will be working from 8:15am-6:15 pm. That's A LOT of hours!!! Tuesday will need to be a recoup day for me as well. I just hope I can make it through! Send me good vibes!

Okay to the clothes part of this blog. My good friend Tirzah has added me to a couple mom 2 mom sites via Facebook. omg!!! I'm addicted! You get such great deals!! I can't even believe it! Tonight a lone I bought 92+ things/outfits sizes 3-9 months for $40!! Even if I don't use HALF of it, it's what I would pay for 3-4 outfits!! I'm already ahead!!
I just have to make sure I know what I have all been buying so I don't double and triple up on stuff! ;) lol!!
Off to bed LONG day tmrw

Until Later
~J

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Wedding

It went wonderful. I'm exhausted and can barely move. It was worth it. I stayed on top of my meds and made sure to take many breaks. The DJ started at 8 and we left promptly by 8:20. I told crystal I'd make it to the Dance.
My body is sore, throbbing, and I can actually feel parts of it pulsate!! Stick a fork in me I'm done.
I'd do it all over again in a heart beat tho.

Until Later
~J

Friday, January 4, 2013

Late night

I'm up late, just finished hand sewing a flower strip on my dress for the wedding I'm in tmrw. Going to be a really long day! I need to get to sleep!!
Nausea at bay today thank goodness I worked too much. This is really a lame post! Lol so tired, I don't even know what I'm really posting.

Wow!!! I just retread this post! I almost deleted it but decided to keep it. A glimpse into the overtired pg lady's brain. Unisom take me away ;)

Until Later
~J

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Picture sayings

I have been collecting meaningful picture sayings off of Facebook recently. Almost sounds like an oxymoron but its the truth!!! And I'd like to share them with u! Some r just funny too! hope they work and they aren't itty bitty and u can't even see them let alone READ them.

Thank you for taking this journey with me!!!

Until Later
~J



































Chiropractor, work, and coffee smell

I love that I can got to my chiropractor who specializes in pregnancy; she sees me walk in and just knows the pain I'm in. I also love that by going down my spine and feeling my hips/pelvis, she can tell me EXACTLY where I hurt without me opening my mouth. I also wish that I could hire her and her magic hands to be at my beckon call! Now if we could just get this bicep/tricep pain figured out...all would be good :)
Work: I did too much today! It's so hard to not do much but when u work with kiddos with Autism....u kinda don't have a choice. Today I got to pick a kiddo up from school which I LOVE doing!! I JUST forgot that I have to park at the house and WALK to the school to get the kiddo. I'd estimate it at 2 miles!!! OKAY, OKAY, it's prolly a quarter mile. BUT....when u have HG ANY exercise or MOVEMENT that is acute or prolonged ie: a quarter mile walk in 20* temps...this quickly induces dry heaving, shortness of breath, and the feeling u may DIE AKA passing out!!! It typically takes me (not preggers) to do the walk 4-5 mins at a good pace. Today it was like 12 mins needed to take breaks UPHILL! Oh I thought I would die. I get to the top of the hill and seriously thought about sitting in the snow to catch my breath let alone my composure!!! I trudge the 200 more feet to the front doors and a feeling of victory waves over me! I almost feeling like doing the championship 2 arms up "I did it!!" Then think better of it, and do "the belt" by ARod! Bah ha ha. Anyway. As I get in the warm school...the dry heaving starts. And of course no where to sit because some mom is registering her 5 kids. I'm huffing, puffing, and heaving, at this point, and nowhere to sit. Oh god, THIS IS REALLY happening!!! I'm gonna blow chow on the carpet in front of all these kids! "Welcome to ur new school, where random woman puke on your feet" thankfully the mom hurried the kids out of the way, and I was able to sit down. The office ladies gave me a quizzical look, I half smile and wave...I don't have the energy to explain.
The walk back was better, down hill and took our time as the kiddo was in no hurry to get home. Thank goodness!!!
A friend of mine is getting married on Saturday. I'm super excited!!! I'm IN the wedding!!! I am THEE maid of honor....I have HG!!! Eeeek!! It better behave on Saturday that is all I can say!
Tonight a few of us got together for a meal celebrating my friends wedding....even tho we didn't even talk about it! Lol more stories were told than anything :)
I ordered my food to go, as I the smells of the restaurant were OVERWHELMING!!!! And by overwhelming, I mean the coffee some lady was drinking SOMEWHERE in that damn restaurant was making me gag!!! Damn u HG!!! Despite not being able to eat with the group, I was able to sit and laugh with the girls (while creepishly rubbing my left bicep because it hurt so much) BUT for that short hour, I felt NORMAL!! It was GREAT!! I also told them all that as soon as this baby girl "crawls out my cooch" yes I said that!!! We were all girls and it was sort of a bachelorette party, ANYWAY I told them that there would be a party to be had!!!! And I would be hosting!!! I initially said May 7th (lol the day after my due date) but lets be realistic, ill be in the hospital till the 8th or 9th. So lets plan the 9th ;) LOL!!!

9pm going to take my meds and hit the hay. After I blog one more blog ;)

Until Later
~J

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Commence vomiting in 3...2...1

Ugh freaking really??? I haven't puked in FOREVER!!! Fricking over this $hit!

Until Later
~J

Relapse??? Please...no.....please...

The past couple of days I have been feeling off. Today I was full fledged back into left eye pressure, left bicep tightness, left hand with no feeling, left shoulder blade pain, left base of the skull pain, and numbness in my left shin. I'm laying down now I'm my heating pad on my left side which I haven't had to do in WEEKS! My left eye is watering so bad right now, I have a washcloth on my pillow. :/
I am so nauseous I can barely keep my eyes open and will surely effect the length of my blog tonight.
I have a chiro appointment tomorrow in hopes to stop the pain and numbness. OB appt on the 8th. Gotta make it through right??!?!
There still is a part of me that wonders if this left side affectedness has to do with my "stroke like episode" back in September??
All I know, is if it continues after the pregnancy...a neuro consult will be made for sure!!! And then I am going to DEMAND and MRI/CT scan. Cuz I won't be preggers, and I will raise hell!! Lol
Okay, taking meds, and going to bed. 8:32....early night.

Until Later
~J

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

I can do this

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this....repeat mantra til I fall asleep...
I don't want to be alone tonight, I asked the hubs to sleep with me.... :'( I can do this, I can do this... I can make it through the night.

Until Later
~J

Sleep

Apparently I need more of it. Chitlin got to spend New Year's Eve with Grammy and Bapa while I went to bed in my room and the hubs slept in Chitlin's. I seemed to sleep okay, I didn't put my sleep cycle app on. Idk why? I just didn't.
I was woken up at 9 by the hubs, I laid in bed for awhile, then moved to the couch for a change of scenery. Hubs left and I slept for a bit. He came home and I woke up. I gotta say, the hubs has an innate ability to know when I am trying to sleep or am sleeping and has the need to tell me or ask me something completely useless. About 1230 he went in the basement to finish up his tool organization project and I slept until 330!!
I have been feeling so off. It's hard to explain, not sick, but not normal. Ugh. I'm supposed to work tmrw AM and I just don't know if ill be able to. I'm gonna call the nurse tmrw and explain how I feel. Doc is off all week but has someone covering. Maybe they will do some blood work or something? Am heading to bed before 8 tonight. Take my meds and sleep. Hopefully. Fingers crossed for me.
Until later
~J