What do u mean I don't fit back in??

Just because our baby is here, it doesnt mean we are cured instantly. it has recently come up on my HG board that trying to fit back in after HG is hard. the stress it causes is equally upsetting as theHG itself was/is. The following entry is from a fellows HGer. I think she paints a beautiful picture of how one can feel after HG. She posted it 2 different times. That is why there are some time changes made. I hope this helps shed more light on the subject.

Borrowed from a fellow HGer.

I cannot even BEGIN to explain what I am feeling right now. I will try to explain, but I feel so ridiculously crazy. Right now, I'm the GO for the HG Sufferers group and I feel led to be there and to help women through. It helped me through in so many ways. Just a few days ago, I decided to come back to this group and I can't explain why I have twisting, painful emotions while visiting here and I think it hit me hard - I think I figured it out. This is for my recovery. This is not (oh my gosh I'm so totally starting to cry right now)....it is not for me to help others get to the end of their pregnancies, but it's me trying to treat myself and process what I have been through. I feel...lost in that. Because I had HG for so long...I was so alone. Now I am alone and I don't "have an excuse" as to why I am. I feel abandoned and lost because I don't have any friends since I fell off the planet for so long. I don't feel like I belong anywhere right now. I almost get excited when someone says something and I can relate to it because I don't feel so off. Like I can relate to that person or their story and feel like "hey!! Oh my gosh!!" I understand. That's powerful.

I read an article that one of you posted a second ago talking about how rare it is. I still have a hard time understanding that I fit into that category. The one who was hooked up to an IV my entire pregnancy, so many scars...I don't know how to leisurely bring up in conversation with someone that yes, I have thrown up over 2,000 times with my pregnancies combined. Easily that number is the sum. I don't know how to explain that the nausea was so bad I would grip the sheets and moan and beg God "PLEEEEASEEEE!" Over and over again with no other words. How do I get someone to see that I would wake up with my face on the toilet seat and be so out of it that I had no idea hours had passed as I just vomited every 20 minutes then laid my head back down and fell asleep again. I was either vomiting or asleep during my hardest times.

I don't know how to admit that I'm a victim without sounding dramatic or clingy or weird. Because to others - it is no big deal. If someone told someone that they were raped, all kinds of sympathy would poor out. Why do I need that affirmation as much? I feel alone and silenced. I feel like all of my suffering happened and in the blink of an eye it was gone and I was able to eat again and am starting to heal. But mentally...I can't come to grips with where I am at because I just don't know how to explain it. My life was HG before and it was just getting through day by day by day. Now my baby is two months old (and now 3, actually)...I have survived 3 pregnancies...I will never be pregnant again. That's a good thing from an HG perspective. So why am I struggling so hard to know that my HG was like a thief in the night - stealing so many things away from me, but never seen by the outside world. It's gone. It's just...gone. And I crave validation. I seek approval. I want closure. I don't know how to get it and I feel insane for it to even be an emotion because should it be? Should I not look at it the way others do? It was just excessive vomiting for months - your baby is here - you are not sick anymore. Why cannot I give myself grace in feeling this way....


Powerful!

Until Later
~J