Anxiety 2.0---HG edition

I know I already posted about anxiety early this morning, but I am posting about it again along with some linger HG issues. 

I finally was able to fall asleep this morning around 4? Only to woken up abruptly by the burning sensation in my arm and chest at 4:47. So not a whole lot of sleep. Anyway, I started my affirmation chant and got the baby a bottle. While getting the bottle ready, I did what any normal person waiting would do, get a drink of water. OH MOTHER of all things HOLY!!! That was the wrong  thing to do! I instantly started dry heaving and made it in the bathroom just in time to throw up in a not freshly cleaned toilet!!! I really didn't have a choice. I guess I coulda threw up in the sink, but it probably woulda splashed back. That's just gross!!! 

My hubby was just leaving for work, and I got that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. The one where u feel like u don't want to be alone. And then I started my chants again. 

I feed the baby while sitting on the toilet and she in her rock n play seat. I love that thing!!! As I was feeding her I wasn't sure which end it really was going to come out of. Luckily it only went one way. However the dry heaving continued. 

I washed up and crawled back in bed, my baby right next to me in her rock n play. Stroking her soft hair is soothing. I turned on calm meditation music. My only hope is she continues to be calm this morning. If she needs me to walk her  I don't think I'll be able to. Knock on wood, so far so good. 

Chitlin just came in the room. The first thing she asked me was, "Why are u rocking side to side mom?" I told her that I wasn't feeling well. 

My biggest fear as of late is that I am going to need to be hospitalized for dehydration and malnutrition. Obviously 2 things I'm trying HARD to avoid, but continue to be a struggle. 

It is like being pregnant all over again with  HG but worse. How can it be worse u ask??! Well, instead of baby in she is out and requires constant care along with Chitlin. 

I sure didn't sign up for this crap!! And someone in the Big house must think I'm stronger than I really am. Because this girl is breaking down pretty fast. 

I just wish I could go back to the way I used to be. Only one good thing came out of this pregnancy and it was baby. Everything else blows big donkey butts!!! 

Gonna snuggle with my girls as best I can before they both wake up. I LOVE that chitlin crawls into bed with me every morning and falls back to sleep. 

Dear Grandma, please grant me the strength to get through this 1 day at a time, 1 hour at a time, 1 minute at a time. 

I love you!!!

Until Later

~J