I got my hair washed today :)

Awesome!!!! 

I also drank 40+oz of water!! Sweet!!!!

And I'm craving caramel corn.

Today I'm thankful for my friend who gave us all her girls' clothes that were too  small. Chitin is set for summer!! 

Babysitter and sleeping arrangements

Took the girls to my bff's house while I had my therapy appt today. Whew....talk about high anxiety!!! My BFF is awesome, amazing, wonderful, has kids, loves my kids like they are her own!!! But I still had anxiety about dropping the baby off. Chitin, she's been there before :)  Lol but I did it!! And they were fine and I was fine (after) lol!!  The girls were well behaved.

Tonight I was going to try baby in the pack n play again but I began to have anxiety about not getting enough sleep and her being up so I decided not to do it tonight. I am going to use the rock n play. Which works just fine :) most likely she will end up in bed with me anyway. We have an extra contoured changing table pad that has higher sides on it. I think tmrw night I am going to try her sleeping on that in bed with us. I feel better knowing she's contained. I'm not worried about rolling on her, but I'm worried that she will suffocate in the blankets!! So, that's what I'm going to try tmrw!!! I'm sure the hubby will just love that! Lol. 

Today I'm thankful that we were able to go for a walk as a family. 

Until Later

~J

Bassinet??!!

I'm having baby sleep in the pack n play bassinet tonight. :/ it brings her higher up to me and closer to me. So that's good. I really enjoy her sleeping with me in bed, but I'd like to find an in bed co sleeper so I can feel safer about it. When she sleeps with me she sleeps longer and better than when she was in the rock n play. I'm hoping this will work.  I think it will be good. Maybe another month or 2 and then she'll be in her crib. I just feel like she should be sleeping longer through the night before she moves in her own room. Fingers crossed!!

Anxiety check...doing good so far. Therapy appt tmrw. Going to ask for additional resources about anxiety etc. 

hoping it continues to go in a positive direction. 

I can honestly say that both HG and anxiety/panic attacks are the 2 hardest most complicated things I have ever had to deal with. I don't wish either of them on ANYONE!!

Today I am grateful that my hubby didn't have to work and we were able to have another family day. 

Until Later

~J

Brat Fest :D I made it!!!

I made it to brat fest :D even had a brat! Took me awhile to eat it, but I did :) so proud of myself!! After, we went to babies r us because I lost a bottle at brat fest. :( I didn't put it in the bag, just on top. By the time I remembered it was too late. 

I did well at BRU too. I had to talk myself through some of it, but I got more bottles and nipples. And we headed home. All in all a good day. 

So, so far this has been a successful day! I hope it continues!! 

Today I'm grateful for: spending time together as a family!!! <3

Until Later

~J

Good day :)

Today was a good day. I was showered before noon :) that's always a plus!!! i took both girls with me to Target! I got them ready, loaded them in the truck and drove there :) I was on a mission, formula and glass bottles. Got them both and didn't even stray when chitin asked to see the toys. 

I even made chicken in the crockpot!!! Today was a good day ;) 

Today I'm grateful for Target. Thank you for having what I needed! 

Until Later

~J

Today was better

Today was a better day. Thank goodness. Still a lot of anxiety, but it was controlled. It's weird because it is almost all physical symptoms. Not to many intrusive thoughts. Nothing horrific anyway. Apparently some people have some pretty bad thoughts. I do not. I think my body is just rebelling. those darn hormones!!! LOL

I talked with a  friend today and I am going to look into calling an endocrinologist to have my thyroid looked at further and also my hormones in a couple of months. Hopefully things will be chilled out a bit by then. 

My friend posted this picture today:

I hit every single one of these except family history. I don't believe anyone else in our family has thyroid problems, but I could be wrong.  The one that stood out in my mind the most was the sudden onset of panic disorder.  i mean, i had some normal pregnancy anxiety, but I wasn't having anxiety attacks 4-5x a day like I am now. I mean reallly? that was just yesterday, and a few weeks ago. I haven't had any today =D

Anyway.....So I am going to look up some phone numbers and make some calls tomorrow.  see what I can do. I am sure it will take awhile to get in and I am wondering about a referral. Going to try and go to bed early tonight. I hope Mary will let me.  I need good sleep!! going to bed at 12 isn't good. LOL 

Tonight I am thankful for:

naps

and

phone calls from family. 

Until Later

~J

One foot in the looney bin!!!

So, LOTS of things happening in my life right now!! MANY stressors (good and bad). But to top the cake last night I get a call from my hubby who was in town picking up mulch at Menards, (police sirens in background) "I was in an accident, I got Tboned, I'm ok, love you" click.  Um what??!!!! Yesterday was a horrible day all around with multiple anxiety attacks, and that phone call just did me in. I called him back and asked what happened and how he was gonna get home. He said I'd need to get him. Yeah, we'll that wasn't gonna happen. Hungry new baby, psychotic (at the moment) mom freaking out, and the baby seat wasn't in my truck. Long story short, the neighbor went and picked him up. He seems to be okay, his arm has a skin burn on it from the door panel, and he is sore! But he walked away and that's the important part!!! 

So what happened??

He says he watched this all happen in slow motion. He was driving down a 2 ln hwy. Ahead of him was a car and ahead of that car was a charter bus. He saw a  camaro swerve right into the bus (he started to slow down and pull off to the shoulder). The camaro bounced off the bus (all the air bags deployed) and seriously slammed right into the side of his truck. It sort of wedge right under it. He said he told himself, ok this cars gonna hit me and boom! It did. 

I am sure that the driver of the camaro couldn't see anything after hitting the bus as all the airbags went off. The hubby said the people in the car were taken by ambulance but seemed to be ok from what he could tell. 

I'm just glad no one died. I wouldn't have been able to handle that at all!!!!

Anyway....

I am grateful for my girls, my husband, and auto insurance. 

I'll keep u posted. 

Until Later

~J

Neuro appt

It went well. Told me nothing was abnormal with my brain or my neck. So apparently the logical answers for all my ailments are:

ANXIETY

STRESS

HORMONES

Ugh!!! Yesterday I had such an awesome day!! Today stinks!! I'm fighting off anxiety attacks all day! First started in the shower!! However, it felt more like a blood sugar issue. But maybe I'm just displacing my diagnosis to try and find something wrong. When in reality, it's just the anxiety. 

My dad suggests I look into acupuncture. I have nothing to lose so I think that I will. I need as much help through this as I can.  Guess I can kiss any chance of a vacation goodbye as the amount of money I am spending on doc appts. Is enough to go on a mini vaca! 

What do u do??

Until Later

~J

Better days :)

Today was a good day!! I can't believe I can actually say that, but its the truth!!!

I showered in the morning :) 

I didn't spend my day in the bedroom :)

I went to Family Dollar (with both girls!) :)

I spent a good amount of time outside! :)

Today I'm grateful for:

1. Candy, without it I wouldn't be eating.

2. Water. As much as I hate to drink it, I know how important it is for me to stay hydrated. 

Until Later

~J

Therapist :)

I have to say, I love my therapist. Not only did she come in on her day off to see me today (because she cancelled last week due to being sick). She let me get everything off my plate and then she helped me put one thing back on. It's going to be a slow process, but its gonna be a positive process!! I am going to make it through this!!! 

I am an HG survivor, and I am postpartum anxiety surviving!!! 

I got this!

Today I'm thankful for:

1. My therapist-she gets me!!

2. Our neighbors across the street-they couldn't be any nicer if they tried! 

3. For snail mail from SE! I <3 u and miss u!!!!

Until Later

~J

Waiting for my MRIs

My anxiety stayed away pretty nicely until I got checked in. Now I'm sitting here heart pounding, trying not throw up. I hope I can stay calm enough to have the MRIs done. I'm saying my positive affirmations and hope it goes away!!!

Fingers crossed!!! 

After:

I think I did pretty good. It was not like the other MRI I had before. The one before was quieter. This one was LOUD!!!  They gave me headphones with music but u could barely hear the music due to the loudness of the machine. I ended up falling asleep in there. It took an hour for my brain and neck. The technician said she only had to do one pix over due to slight movement. Well, that's not to bad ;) 

She said I should get my results on Wednesday when I go to the neuro. 

I'll keep u posted. Obviously!!! 

Until Later

~J

Why do things work out like this???

So when things are going well, and I make a statement that they are going well.....why does something have to happen to make it not...whatever do I mean u ask??? Let me explain: 

Tonight I went to bed a little after 11. Every night before I close my eyes I take my medicine. Which I did tonight. Baby decided to get up at 12:30, so that only have me approx 1.5 hours of sleep from my meds. Which in turn, is not enough and I get a little panicky. Not to mention....I'm having that left side back pain. I'm going to try and sleep through it tonight if I can once baby goes to sleep. If not, I will try some Tylenol again and hope it works. I'm already feeling the anxiety build. Time for positive affirmations and prayers that baby goes back to sleep quickly! Lol 

Addition 4:40am:

I tried sleeping through the pain. It lasted about 15 mins and then I had to get up. I took some Tylenol and after writhing in pain for 40 mins it finally went away enough for me to sleep. Only for me to be jolted awake an hour later in the same damn pain!!!  I'm up now feeding the baby and the pain is boarderline intense,  with me crying. I really have no idea what I have done to deserve all this $hit to happen to me. It really really isn't fair!! But who ever said life was fair? 

Funny thing is, no anxiety with this. Prolly because its real! Although being jolted awake has some panic factor to it. 

Now to decide what I need to do..

Go to urgent care before my MRIs, after my MRIs but before my therapy appt, or after that??? Guess it will depend on if the pain goes away or not!!!  

I really shoulda bought a lottery tix the other day! I coulda possibly won, seeing what my odds are.  

I'll keep u posted. 

Until Later

~J 

Caramello candy bar :)

Today went well, very little anxiety.

Tmrw I have my brain and neck MRIs. Hoping to figure out these migraines that are accompanying my left side pain etc.... Then afterwards I have my therapist appt. I'm looking fwd to it so I can talk to her about how to work through this!! I will overcome it!! There is no other choice!!!

Today I'm grateful that

1. I made it outside with baby for about 15 mins. It was hot and muggy but it was nice too

2. My husband can read my mind (at times lol). He was going to the gas station and asked me what kind of candy bar I wanted. Before I could even say it, he said, "a caramello. I just know u want one" I was totally thinking that!!! And I haven't had one in over a year, so it's not like I get them every day :) yummy!!!

Until Later

~J

Hmmm...that's weird...

Anxiety is not only $hitty it's weird. 

I joined some anxiety forums online, but I quickly realized that I couldn't read them!!  I was hoping to read relaxation techniques etc....ummm....no, not quite. I seriously would start reading some posts that were similar to what I am going through....bad idea!!!! I instantly got hot, and my heart started pounding..... Whoo! Not cool. 

The worst part is when I'm just sitting at home watching TV or on Facebook, and I feel like I can't breathe and I start to get hot! SO WEIRD!!!  Apparently anxiety isn't choosey when it wants to hit! 

The absolute worst tho is when I'm dead asleep and boom it just hits me! Yuck!!!

Anyway....I am going to end each blog entry with 1-2 things I am grateful for that day.

1. I'm grateful for my parents who help my family out more than I could ever expect!!

2. I'm thankful for my husband who is accepting of yet another horrible disease that I have been subjected to. He tries so hard, and I appreciate it. 

I love my family <3

Until Later

~J

Holy back pain Batman!!!

It's the same as the other night, left side of the back between my ribs and hip. Also a little bit on my side. Holy pain!!!! The other night when I had it *TMI WARNING* I ended up passing a clot the size of a golf ball!!! Yeah gross I know. It totally freaked me out!!! I guess it's normal tho!!  Yikes!!!  So, now I wait to see if I pass another one or if not, then maybe it's kidney pain??? Oh lord this hurts!!! Ouch!!!!! 

Until Later

~J

Anxiety 2.0---HG edition

I know I already posted about anxiety early this morning, but I am posting about it again along with some linger HG issues. 

I finally was able to fall asleep this morning around 4? Only to woken up abruptly by the burning sensation in my arm and chest at 4:47. So not a whole lot of sleep. Anyway, I started my affirmation chant and got the baby a bottle. While getting the bottle ready, I did what any normal person waiting would do, get a drink of water. OH MOTHER of all things HOLY!!! That was the wrong  thing to do! I instantly started dry heaving and made it in the bathroom just in time to throw up in a not freshly cleaned toilet!!! I really didn't have a choice. I guess I coulda threw up in the sink, but it probably woulda splashed back. That's just gross!!! 

My hubby was just leaving for work, and I got that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. The one where u feel like u don't want to be alone. And then I started my chants again. 

I feed the baby while sitting on the toilet and she in her rock n play seat. I love that thing!!! As I was feeding her I wasn't sure which end it really was going to come out of. Luckily it only went one way. However the dry heaving continued. 

I washed up and crawled back in bed, my baby right next to me in her rock n play. Stroking her soft hair is soothing. I turned on calm meditation music. My only hope is she continues to be calm this morning. If she needs me to walk her  I don't think I'll be able to. Knock on wood, so far so good. 

Chitlin just came in the room. The first thing she asked me was, "Why are u rocking side to side mom?" I told her that I wasn't feeling well. 

My biggest fear as of late is that I am going to need to be hospitalized for dehydration and malnutrition. Obviously 2 things I'm trying HARD to avoid, but continue to be a struggle. 

It is like being pregnant all over again with  HG but worse. How can it be worse u ask??! Well, instead of baby in she is out and requires constant care along with Chitlin. 

I sure didn't sign up for this crap!! And someone in the Big house must think I'm stronger than I really am. Because this girl is breaking down pretty fast. 

I just wish I could go back to the way I used to be. Only one good thing came out of this pregnancy and it was baby. Everything else blows big donkey butts!!! 

Gonna snuggle with my girls as best I can before they both wake up. I LOVE that chitlin crawls into bed with me every morning and falls back to sleep. 

Dear Grandma, please grant me the strength to get through this 1 day at a time, 1 hour at a time, 1 minute at a time. 

I love you!!!

Until Later

~J

Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety,ANXIETY!!!! Aaaahhh

So, my food and drink aversions are back full swing!!! WONDERFUL!!! With aversions come anxiety. Hell I am in full blown anxiety mode without the aversions! I have mini anxiety attacks through out the day. Typically they don't start until the afternoon, but I've had the occasional one in the morning too. 

I can't even explain what it feels like for fear I may send myself into an attack. How scary and pathetic at the same time! There are heart flutters/palpitations, burning sensations certain places on my skin, shortness of breath, chest pain, etc...

Anyway.....I see my counselor/therapist tmrw. I'm anxious to say the least about driving there. Talking to her she's awesome no problem!!! Driving....ugh, not gonna think about it now. Proactive, think of it when it's appropriate. 

Tonight, 5/15/13 I went to bed aprox 10:45pm. I was exhausted!! I took my medication, and quickly slipped into a lightheaded slumber. While asleep chitlin comes running in the room upset and crying, I try to ask her what's wrong but quickly realize 2 things: 1 she's gotta go potty and 2 she's not gonna answer me. She used our br and I walked her back to bed. I came back to bed, but I was startled, and I found myself in the middle of a full fledge anxiety attack. Unfortunately I cannot go through exactly how it went as it will send me into another one, but there was the burning sensation and vomiting. 

I did a quick how to calm down search and read about positive affirmations so I started chanting some positive sayings and after awhile my anxiety attack passed. Whether it be from that or it just ran its course, I'm glad it's done with. 

No in place of it, I am having SEVERE stabbing pain on my lower left side. Mostly in the back, but I can feel it in the front too wowza!!! 

I am just one big freaking mess!!! Wtf??!! 

Until Later

~J

 

 

Doc appt

Well, it went okay but not exactly how I wanted lol. I wanted to stop the propranolol bcuz of the horrible side effect of diarrhea!!! Yuck!!!! And really I think that my pulse/heart rate is okay. But dr wants me to give it another week to see how it goes. I'm willing to try, but would rather not. 

He also told me he wants me on the Celexa. Which I told him now that I am not breast feeding :( I'm okay with taking it. With the events going on in my life I feel that it is a good choice. I had been on Celexa before years ago, but never while on another med and definitely not while having hormonal changes!!! I am not opposed 1 bit to take it tho to help with my anxiety! 

So ever since my HG and taking a billion pills a day, I have become hyper aware about not taking a bunch of pills all at the same time. I space them out. At the least...15 mins apart but ideally an hour or more. It can be challenging, but tonight I managed Tylenol, wait 30 mins, propranolol, wait 1 hour, then Celexa. I fell asleep fast. I fell asleep hard (this kind of bothered me because I don't want to be "out of it") but I heard the baby so I wasn't to out of it. But then I was awaken by a burning sensation at the base of my skull. Of course I looked it up while half asleep and it is a very common side effect, but OUCH!!! It really felt like I was being burned. 

Anyway...no halter monitor for now, going to try these meds. Meeting with my therapist on Thursday about my anxiety due to my HG. I'm kind of anxious for that. Go figure! Lol I am hoping to really be able to talk through a bunch of things and am interested on her insight of HG suffered and PTSD. Because I would say I truly qualify!!! 

Until Later

~J

Oh I almost forgot. Called my neuro and he is out until Wednesday. So hopefully I will hear back by them. 

Should be sleeping but I am not go figure

So another ER trip last night. It was horrible I had a really bad attack of shortness of breath (SOB) and dizziness, lightheaded ness. I'm so over all this crap. ER doc was great!!! I really liked him...a lot!!! He had me do a chest X-ray with contrast. Whoo that stuff is wicked!!!! And it makes u feel like u have wet urself even tho u don't. Anyway...everything came back ok. No blood clots in my lungs!! That's great!!! But now what is causing my SOB????

Well, not even 10 mins ago I'm laying in bed and the back of my head (left side) starts to hurt...a lot. Enough to wake me up. The pain surges and causes me to get really nauseous, dizzy, and I start to panic (a little). I try to go back to sleep but I'm too nauseous and ill admit, a little afraid.  Once 8 rolls around, I'm calling the neuro and I'm telling them, I'm not waiting until the 22nd for them to "see" me again AND then wait for an MRI. I want this completed NOW!!! And I'm glad I had this experience this morning because I can explain it first hand!!

I'm also going to tell my doc I don't want to take the propranolol anymore (it gives me the runs!!) , but I'm open to taking the Celexa (which I haven't started yet). Hopefully the OB will be good with that. I'm sure he will be. 

I'll fill u in on my phone call and my appt.

Gonna get ready now that I'm awake :/

Until later

~J

Really thought this would be over by now

But I guess not! I guess I'm the Lucky one that continues to feel horrible and have multiple things go wrong with my health. 

I have narrowed it down to 2 probable "REAL" causes....Hormones and Anxiety. 

But there is a part of me that knows there is something wrong physically as well. 

Hormones F u up!!! There is no other way to say it. I truly think there is something wrong with my thyroid even tho they tested it. My numbers were kind of on the high side.  I hate hormones!!! I hate what they do to u. I was on birth control for so long and didn't really see what it was doing good or bad. At the time, I just didn't want to get pregnant!!! 

I currently do not like the thought of hormone replacement or synthetic hormones. But dealing with this postpartum crap this time I'm desperate to try anything, even going back on the pill, knowing that I don't 100% agree with it.  Ugh....life really deals u crap hands sometimes!! 

Anxiety is just a given with all the shit I've been dealing with! And it has been proven that Anxiety can cause physically medical conditions along with stress!!! How not cool!!!! F u anxiety and stress!!! 

The weird part of this with me is, most of my episodes happen at night ( in bed) or when I'm doing physical activity. Walking with the baby, standing washing bottles, showering. Or even just standing. My body just doesn't know how to respond anymore. 

HG has ruined a lot of things for me, and it continues!! I am glad that it hasn't affected the way I feel about the baby!!! No ppd. But I do have the anxiety. 

The HG continues to hurt my food and fluid intake :( I just weighed myself today and I weigh 163. Pre-pregnancy I was 195!!! And at the time the baby was born I was 190. On Monday I will be 2 weeks postpartum. I can't imagine 27 pounds in 2 weeks is all that healthy. Will be talking to the doc about that too!! Ugh...so much crap!

Weight loss-food aversions

Shortness of breath w/pain - blood clot or asthma

High blood pressure - random times

Tachycardia with little activity

Migraines and all the crap that goes with it! --neuro....will call him on Monday as well! 

Until Later

~J

Sooo sorry for being on hiatus!!!

There has been sooo much happening in our lives, I just can't keep up with it all. Not to mention the fact that I AM STILL SICK!!!! Not 100% with HG, but it lingers. For the most part my nausea has gone away along with the vomiting....HOWEVER....in a blink of an eye it will hit me so hard, at any instant (lately at night) that I'm puking in the toilet before I'm able to clean it!!!! Those of you that are loyal readers know....I DO NOT puke in a dirty toilet!!! Well, Thursday of this week....I did! Oh the humanity!!! The food aversions are stronger than ever!!! I cannot get past them. I know I'm just short of 2 wks postpartum, but damn it...I wanted to be able to eat that seriously greasy bacon cheeseburger!!! Now just typing that makes me wanna GAG!!! I have been trying SO hard to keep up on my fluids as well. No such luck :( despit how hard I try even getting 60+oz in, isn't cutting it. 

ER

I've been to the ER twice in 2 weeks. Last week and this week. Hence twice in 2 weeks. Anyway....I went in for heart palpitations (which I have been told TWICE now are "typically harmless" yay, but they still scare the shit out of me!) difficulty breathing, and chest pain. Both visits resulted in IVs due to dehydration. Both resulted in EKG hook ups. One displaying bradycardia (slow heart rate) the other was fine. One visit got me hooked up to the big monitors for observation where they watched my blood pressure climb and climb and climb. The other the doc said, "meh ur not too bad, nothing to really worry about. One did a head CT and a chest X-ray after they saw my BP go to 180/100 while I sat on the uncomfortable gurney. I've never seen a nurse move so fast in my life. ER visit one---unexplained High blood pressure. Offered to admit me for observation (oh thank you god!!! Yes!!!), but clearly said, chances ate they won't find anything in such a short stay, and of course your baby (who was 4 days old) can't stay with you unless your husband chooses to stay but he wouldn't be very comfy as they don't actually have places for visitors to "sleep." OK well thanks ill follow up with my PCP

Second ER trip suggested I have a halter monitor for at least 72 hours. I'd actually prefer that!!! Anyway...

Called my PCP after both ER visits. 1st one he prescribes me Celexa for headaches and anxiety I am sure, even though he didn't come right out and say it. He tells me it is safe to take while breast feeding. I get the script and right on the bottle....do not BF while on this med. well, guess I won't be taking it then.  2nd call he gives me another script propranolol ER 60mg. "Safe" while BF. so I try it. Today was day 2. It hasn't made a difference yet. Its only day two. OH crap!!! I left the italics on that whole time!!!! Ugh that's lame!! Did research on both and both can be a really scary med, but can also be very helpful. However, when taking them together they have moderate contraindications!! Ugh omg!!! Seriously!!!! So at this point I still have not started the Celexa. And prolly won't unless he'd rather me on that instead of the propranolol. 

So most of yesterday I was having the worst chest pain and shortness of breath. Didn't matter what I was doing it hurt/bothered me the same. As the night went on it was more of a not being able to catch my breath along with a nagging cough that I've had for the past couple weeks. Hubby convinced me NO ER....but I think I will go today. It's been hours and everything all still hurts!! I hope my parents can watch the girls. 

ANYWAY.....

So Google is not a doctor, and when u know u shouldn't be looking symptoms up on it......u totally do. Mine all comes back to the same answers I'm either having a heart attack, angina, have a pulmonary embolism, anxiety/panic attacks ( which these are most likely) EXCEPT something popped up this time that hasn't before and it really got me to start thinking about it----adult asthma!!!   Which can be induced by PREGNANCY!!!! I couldn't believe it! As I was reading it I was hanging on every word as it is exactly how I feel!! All the symptoms everything. That is why is like to go to the ER to have them check it. 

I'll keep u posted!!! I'm going to try to sleep before the baby wakes up... Not sure It is possible, but I'm gonna try! 

Take care

Until Later

-~J 

And the medical issues continue....

I'm just going to paraphrase this:
Been having palpitations, shortness of breath, chest pain...all the same crap, headache etc. called the OB on Friday he suggested some caffeine, drink, drink, drink, AND eat!!! Which I did need to do!!

I called my neuro cuz the headache was resulting in me vomiting the night before etc.... Neuro said I needed to go to the ER bcuz of just having baby and having a "botched" epi...
So 5 hours later in the ER with my poor husband (who was bored out of his mind) and the newborn, they said I was dehydrated and gave me an IV and my Blood pressure began to skyrocket!!! It was crazy!! 157/78 was really the only one I remember besides the one the nurse took which was 180/101. And that's just crazy to me!!! But that's what he told me. So they checked my urine for protien, did a head CT and a chest X-ray along with some blood tests. All to tell me that they don't know what's wrong with me, but they were will to admit me for observation, but baby couldn't come with unless hubs stayed with. So obviously I said no because what mom would leave her 4 day old!?? Plus the doc said chances are, in 24 hours they be able to find anything wrong anyway.... WTF??? I just don't know anymore!!!

So my plan is:
1. Call my OB tmrw to follow up to give the info from the ER.
2. Ask my OB if he is willing to be my primary care physician. If not, I will transfer to Dr. B who is really cool and I think I can be more open to her. Although, I shouldn't feel that way about my OB, but he isn't my pcp.
3. Talk to whoever is going to be my pcp about: epi side effects, high BP, thoughts/fears of blood clot in my lung. Although, if I did have one of substantial size....I'd probably know it!!
4. Contact my counselor to talk about my anxiety and medications and to talk about the side effects of HG.
5.Follow up with my neuro appt on Wednesday.

Gosh, that's a lot of stuff!!! But I gotta do it, and I have to be proactive not reactive!!!

I may just be panicking and my body just went through a very traumatic 9 months and my hormones are everywhere!!!! But I admit I need help through this. I'm strong but I'm not strong enough to keep going on by myself.

Everyone can always use a little help from their friends ;)

Until Later
~J

Finally!!!! My birth blog!!!!

We went into the hospital just before 1pm on Monday, April 29. Got settled in and they broke my water. Once they broke it they noticed it was a greenish color, not clear like it should be. So that means that baby had a BM (meconium) in utero. As a precaution they have the nicu there when the baby is born.
So after a couple hours and my water being broke, I only had 1 contraction. So they decided to start pitocin; or as I call it the devil!
It started slow, no problems. Well, within 5 mins I was having full on contractions!!! OH BOY!!! The rule is u can't get an epidural without ur doc there. Mine just happened to still be working at the clinic. He got there in a decent amount of time as I was REALLY in A LOT of pain!!! A LOT!!! The anistesiologist (sp) showed up did some explaining and he started the epi. I was at 6 cm. and the epi wasn't working!!! My left foot was numb...that's about it!!! In about 45 mins I went from 6-10 with only my left leg numb from the knee down!!! The contractions were wicked insane and all I could do was inhale, exhale, count...it was the worst pain ever at the time, now I can't even remember it! A few pushes and at 8:47pm and Chitlin 2 was born!!!! She was blue but making noise. The nicu nurses who are awesome, took care of her. I couldn't see everything, but the hubs said they deep suctioned her, and one of the nurses, Michele, did tell me that she was on the Cpap machine for a few mins, but came around quickly. I think that I heard them report that her R lung didn't inflate at first, but it came around and she did great!!
I was praying for the instant HG relief, but it didn't come :/
The hospital stay went well and we came home on Wednesday :)

Until later
~J

Yay!!! She's here!!!

I know I've been off for a few days!!! Hope no one has missed me too much ;)

Our little bundle of joy was born on Monday night!!! I'm so happy!!!

Still nauseous and having some headaches and other side effects, but I'm pretty sure it is 90% epidural 10% HG.

I can't wait to post everything!!! No time now. I want to be able to take my time and get everything and everyone correct ;)

However, I'll give u a photo tease ;)

Thank you for all ur continued support!!!

Love,
Joleen