Thursday, February 28, 2013

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Just How Strong Are We??

So, I have been inspired by yet another 2 HGers.  I am soooo thankful for my online HG support group! I have met so many wonderful women! Its crummy that we have come together because of HG but BECAUSE of HG we have come together and for that I am thankful!

First I would like to share a Youtube video that was shared.  I am happy to share this! it really says A LOT!!!

Matthew West-Strong Enough


The second thing I would like to share with you is a post from a fellow HGers Blog. A few days back, I posted about "What pregnancy "does" to us" What I didn't include was what pregnancy can do to us WITHOUT even being pregnant. And the road that we all take or TRY to take to get pregnant. The "things" that we endure...take this in and just think about it...... and know, know matter what the outcome, it happens for a reason, and it is happy. Despite what you may think at first, and how it may not be the outcome you want....it is a Happy one.

 From a fellow HGer---
So, I have been talking to some people lately about my pregnancy. As they pointed out, it seems like I had quite the complicated pregnancy. Someone told me recently they admired all I went through. Might be the nicest thing anyone has said about all this. So, as its been just over a year since my bleeding scare, I thought I would share this. For everyone who has no idea what I went through, and for other women out there struggling. In this post I will try to stick mainly to the medical, not the financial or emotional issues if possible.


I had a miscarriage. I had another miscarriage. I had some basic infertility testing done by my OB.  Blood work.   I had an HSG which they shoot dye into you and watch with radiography to see if your tubes are open. They both were. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I did 4 rounds of Clomid, a drug in pill form that for me had difficulty side effects. I had an ectopic pregnancy that was initially missed on ultrasound and diagnosed as a miscarriage. I am 'lucky' I had had two previous miscarriages and knew this wasn't the same. I told my OB who did a repeat ultrasound and found the ectopic. I was treated with Methotrexate via two intramuscular shots in my butt. This is a chemotherapy drug. It failed. I had so much blood in my abdomen it pushed on my diaphragm and caused shoulder pain. I had laparoscopic surgery and they were able to save my tube. I did 6 more rounds of Clomid with no success. I got an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist, aka an infertility doc. They took 15 vials of blood. I started on Synthroid, a pill for hypothyroidism that I don't really have but my number was higher than the clinic likes but ok for the general population. I began having monitoring of blood and internal ultrasounds every other day, sometimes every day. I was injecting myself with Follistim, an subcutaneous medication to make me produce eggs. At the time the blood and ultrasound said too, I injected myself with Ovidrel, a subcutaneous medication to make my ovaries release the eggs. I only had one. We did IUI, where they inject my husbands sperm into me using a syringe and tiny catheter. I did follow up blood work. We were not pregnant. We did the same thing the next cycle. One egg again. 2nd time however, we were pregnant. Great news!  However, I had large cysts on my ovaries from the medication. The one was so large the docs were seriously concerned I would develop an ovarian torsion, a medical emergency where your ovary twists around itself and needs emergency surgical removal. Thankfully this did not happen. I had follow up bloodwork and ultrasounds. The pregnancy looked great. I was having what I believed was morning sickness. They gave me some oral dissolving Zofran and handed me off to my OB.


I lost 20lbs in twelve weeks. I was hydrated via IV in the emergency department on more than a couple of occasions. I was placed on a subcutaneous injection of Zofran (an anti nausea drug typically used for chemo patients) that constantly infused into my body. I was on the highest dose allowed and I stuck myself with a new needle 2-3 times a day in my belly or thigh until I was 38 weeks pregnant. I did not remove my pump until after my son was born. At one point I took Reglan, another anti nausea med in liquid form for about 12 weeks. I tried this in my pump however it caused me to have anxiety and hallucinate. I took Phenergan, another anti nausea med via suppository as needed.  At 17 weeks I had a major bleed. I was diagnosed with placenta previa and placed on bed rest, which I would remain on some rom of until my delivery. At about 28 weeks my potassium got so low that I blacked out and had to be hospitalized. I was on IV potassium there then a pill when I finally got to go home. I took steroids which finally got me back to my ore-pregnancy weight by the time I delivered. I went into preterm labor a few times, that was stopped with injectable medication called Breathine and a pill called Indocin. I had non stress tests. I had so many ultrasounds I imagine my uterus sounded like a train rolling through it which is why my son can sleep through anything. I had an amniocentesis at 37 weeks. I was induced at 38. I had an easy and quick delivery thanks to Pitocin and a walking epidural. I had a cervical tear that caused me to hemorrhage and need packing. I passed out trying to get out of bed. At 6 days postpartum I was diagnosed with a kidney infection. 2 days later I was hospitalized. I had cat scans, a HIDA scan, ultrasound and an upper endoscopy. I was tested for rare immunological issues and had an allergic reaction to medication 4 different times. I ended up having a duodenal ulcer that was so bad it was black and a yeast infection in my esophagus. They assume this is from the steroids and vomiting. I returned home a week later. I had PPD and PPA which I got treated. 


Why do I tell you all this really?  Well, to anyone who is going through a difficult pregnancy, I know there are a lot of stories out there without happy endings. I know you may feel alone. But this is my story, and my son is worth it all. He escaped relatively unscathed. He stayed one extra night in the nursery for hyperbillirubenemia. He has torticollis from his position in the utero and plagiocephaly from the tort. He has reflux and is milk intolerant. He is sweet, and loving and laughs and smiles all the time. Sometimes, there really is a happy ending.



Ugh...stress causes nausea!!! Go figure!!

So yesterday the hubs went to get his truck fixed after work. Snowmagedon on its way...they said they could fix it no worries, 2 hours later and in the midst of the storm he calls home because they cannot fix it and he needs to leave his truck there and needs a ride! Oh boy! It was 7pm. I pack up chitlin in my truck and off we go 30mph in the storm. It's typically a 30-35min drive to the Big City. Last night it took an hour! Made it there, got him, and headed back home another hour.
This morning at 6 he thought he'd take our spare car to work as he needed to pick up his truck and it would be easier to leave the car, then drive his truck back. Well Snowmegedon had a different idea!!! I told him to just take my truck and we'd get it figured out at some point. He was just so upset about the dealer not being able to fix his truck and worried about me not having a vehicle. When he left I finally was able to relax, but that's when the nausea set in!!! Blech!!! Then chitlin woke up and asked here her kitten (stuffed animal) was. Ugh...conveniently located in the back seat of MY truck which is now at hubby's work. An instant meltdown ensued! It was 6:34am. Oh lord help me through this day!!! The meltdown didn't help my nausea at all!
Lord, please help me get through this day. Heck, get me through this morning!!!! I'd be happy!

Until Later
~J

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Pregnancy

Pregnancy does a lot of weird shit to ur body. I'm just gonna say it like it is. Everybody's experience is different but we can relate in some way or another. Obviously this time around pregnancy has just given me the big "F U" to which I reply, "joke's on you cuz I'm NEVER getting pg EVER again!!! SO THERE!!" Yeah I get snotty when I talk to pg! Lol
I think of all the things pg does to us, just to name a few: increase our hormones, mood swings, increase our blood volume, grow a baby, stretch marks, constipation, buying a new wardrobe for seriously 6 months MAYBE, gestational diabetes, low blood pressure, high blood pressure, pre eclampsia, bed rest, incompetent cervix, glucose testing 1 AND 3 hour, smells- omg the smells!!!, sciatica, joint pain, ligament pain, carpal tunnel, numbness, tingling, fainting, gas...oh the gas, boob pain, crotch pain, tendon pain, hell whole body pain!!!!!, exhaustion, insomnia, nausea, vomiting, vertigo, HYPEREMESIS GRAVIDARUM!!!, cripes this list can go on and on....
My point here is that we women endure this INSANE amount of PAIN for roughly 10 months ( let's be realistic here it's 10 freaking months!!!) to grow a baby!! Another Life!! And holding that baby makes all those "aches and pains" go away. How wonderful!!! Just wonderful!!!

Now for reality, when I start getting the "baby bug" again those of u that live close to me better start baby making cuz there is no way in hell I'm gonna feel "wonderful" again!! U ladies better realize auntie Joleen is coming to borrow ur precious, beautiful, WONDERFUL, baby for a bit. And I am going to bask in all the glory of being an Auntie without dealing with all this pregnancy shit ever again :)

Until Later
~J

I'm up battling an anxiety attack at 1:15am!!!

Ugh... How yucky!!!!
I went to bed at 10:30pm, played on my iPod until 11. And quickly fell asleep. Only to be quickly woken up by my husband's awesome (not really) snoring. I fell half asleep and was in and out of it. Then at 1:10am I finally give home the elbow and tell him to roll over. I close my eyes just about asleep and my body gets a jolt and I'm starting to panic. Why??? No idea really. Most likely because I was in the middle sleep stage and for whatever reason my body freaked out by whatever and it jolted. It was weird because I could "feel" electricity racing up and down my body!!! Ensuing more panic of course. I try to just close my eyes to sleep by seriously my pulse is to fast to count. Great!!!! Engage plan A: turn off your sleep study app on my iPod, turn off sleep tracker with a red frowny face, and head in the bathroom. I get in the bathroom go potty, don't have to do more, but I sit there after I go. (Yes I've flushed, washed, and am sitting on the toilet seat lid!!!) and I open up my timer and take my pulse. 92!!! Cripes!!! Beating hard and fast!!! At least I could count it!! I always do a full minute count. None of that 15 seconds and times it by 4 bullcrap! To continue with plan A I stay in the bathroom, stay sitting on the toilet seat lid, and realize I'm freezing!!! I'm not wearing a long sleeve shirt. :/ bummer. I open up my blogger app, and start blogging....
Right now as I sit here, the left side of my forehead is kinda tingling, and my stomach is loudly digesting the Marshmallow Mateys I ate before bed. I shouldn't have ate them since baby girl was causing me some serious pain and nausea with her "clawing" and full out stretching, but I was so nauseous, I had to try and eat SOMETHING!!! At least it has stayed down!!! (Quick knock on some wood for me!!!) I'm still freezing! I retake my pulse 86. It's starting to lower. Probably because I'm so cold!!! Also now both my feet are asleep from sitting here. Guess I better move back into bed. At least ill be WARM(ER) lol!!
So last week as u know I got my referral to neurology finally called in. Now I'm just waiting for my callback. I hope it comes tmrw!!! If not, I'll wait until Wednesday and then ill call them. Wednesday will be 7 days. Anyway....
I'm back I'm bed laying on my left side and I feel worse laying down. I'm tired tho. Gonna try and sleep. If it doesn't work, ill be back adding more on to the post.

Until Later
~J

Monday, February 25, 2013

Beached whale!!!

Today I can happily say I feel like a BEACHED WHALE!!! I actually feel pregnant!!! Well I have been feeling pregnant obviously, but today...today something just clicked. It was probably the grocery shopping and then work where I had to get up and down off the floor 50x in a row. Lol I could barely get in and out of my car!!! I'M PREGNANT!!! Lol
It only took until 30 weeks 1 day :D of course with this today can heartburn!! Yikes. Even with the Zantac....nada! My nausea was less today but still there. But today, I'm okay with that :)

Sunday, February 24, 2013

30 weeks!!!!! Only 10 to go!!

I can't believe I'm 30 weeks today!!! Amazing!!! Only 10 weeks to go!! If u would have asked me around week 9 or 10 if I would make it this far, I would have told u nope. But here I am, trudging down the still bumpy road!! Now though, instead of HUGE POTHOLES I have little speed bumps. Thank goodness!!

I'm hoping to hear from the neurology clinic this week. If I don't hear from them by Wednesday, I will surely call them. Just would like some input and answers.

Ready for bed, gonna take my beds and crash. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day :)

Until Later
~J

Stayed up waaaay toooo late!!!!

Omg! I am up too late! Blech. I got sucked into weeds season 7. Yeah I know, years behind....

Now I'm overtired, barfy, and have the start of a migraine!!! No one to blame but myself! I need to be smart about these things.

Hope I fall asleep fast so I don't feel the affects.

Until Later
~J

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Friends :)

Today I got to visit with a old friend today that I haven't seen in over 12 years!!! She came and brought her 1 month old little boy with! AWWWW...he was adorable! and so tiny i just wanted to hold him and hold him. It made me so excited for my friend and for her little boy!!! =)  I cannot wait for little on to get here!!!! I am so happy. I can't wait to get together with her again and have girl time! =-)  It has been too long!!!

Then later today I went to my bestie's house to pick up some VHS tapes for chitlin. She needed something new to do adn watch, and i thought that would be perfect for her. She watched Lion King 2. She liked it, but kept calling me in to fast forward certain parts because they were "scary" which to a 4 year old they may have been! LOL

I did pretty good today. I am a bit nauseous, but I am doing okay.

Getting ready for bed.


Until Later
~J

Friday, February 22, 2013

Anxiety, what the HELL???

I was having a good night no problems. Hubby brought me my fish sandwich and my hot fudge sundae. :) the sandwich was awesome and as much as I wanted to LOVE the sundae I couldn't :( I really wanted to be able to finish it but it wasn't an option :( and QUICKLY, VERY QUICKLY the anxiety has taken over because I feel "sick" (barfy) and I don't know if and or when I will barf!!! I just want to cry!!!! I hate it!!! Way to ruin a perfectly good day!!! Hubs is doing good trying to keep me calm and centered, but jeepers this BLOWS!!! The tears are streaming now! UGH HG I HATE YOU!!!

Until Later
~J

culver's fish sandwich and a hot fudge sundae..oh yeah and a gremlin

This is what I told the hubby to bring home for me tonight from town. He better follow through! and it better not be like the damn cupcake debacle! that is all I am saying =-) 




99% of the time I am confident that there is a cute adorable baby growing and kicking inside of me....BUT on occasion I feel like it is THIS:



I am not kidding when I say, at time I feel like this baby girl is CLAWING to get out of her warm womb!!! and it is repetitive "pawing" or "clawing" motions. at the front of my stomach!! The weirdest feeling EVER!!! Ever since I have gotten sick my friend Amy has referred to baby girl as "alien" and i am starting to think....she just might be right! =-)







Until Later
~J

Thursday, February 21, 2013

not a whole lot to say....

the title really sums it up....I am really tired tonight and I swear the pressure that is in my ear or behind my ear is going to burst! I wish it would then it wouldn't be so darn painful! i can't wait until next week when I should get the call from the neurology nurse. I hope I can get in BEFORE a month. that would be nice =-)

73 days to go. I am really happy about that.

I have a surprise for you guys but you will have to wait until next week Friday. SORRY!!!! =) It will be worth the wait tho.

I missed one of my zofran pills today and I really hope that I don't end up paying for it tonight/tomorrow. So far, I feel pretty good, so I am not too worried.

Until Later
~J

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Steak....mmmm....steak

 I have 74 days to go!!! 74 days!! I can't even comprehend that number! and as it goes down, it will be even harder!

Today...OMG...Today for lunch, I ate 2...yes 2 5oz top sirloin steaks! OMG! I can't believe i even just admitted that! i must need iron, or it was just that damn good. nothing else with it, just 2 steaks. a little butter on each and seasoned salt. It was heavenly and seriously the most protein I have eaten in MONTHS!!!  then of course on my drive for work I ate a box of whoppers and a cookies and cream Hershey bar! Yeah....That's how I roll! 

Today was a good day. I of course use good loosely, but it was. I had a major headache all day, but that is just par for the course. nothing I can do about that.

I plan on going into work tomorrow for a couple hours to get some work done, then coming home, napping, and then out to work again. we are supposed to get snow tomorrow. I hope it is AFTER i get home from work. Last time there was a storm, it took me 1 hour to drive 17 miles. LAME

Okay, before this posts gets anymore lame, I am going to bed, I am exhausted.


Love you all


Until Later
~J

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

positive life choices and PIZZA

today I got some good news about making some changes in my life. I think I am going to go with it and "JUST DO IT" change is good. =-)

Pizza....mmmm....pizza....I wasn't able to eat pizza a couple months ago, but tonight I annihilated my 14" cheese and sausage from the local pizza joint! LOL!!! I didn't eat the WHOLE thing, there is some left, but not a lot. LOL!!! im sure I will have a stomach ache tomorrow! LOL!!!

Hitting the hay early. 10pm. Im exhausted!

Until Later
~J

Monday, February 18, 2013

Sad day in our little town

In a matter of less than 48 hours, our little town has lost 2, young women. One of the young women went to school with my brother and the other went to school with me. *sigh*
Hug the ones you love a little tighter and tell them you love them!!!

To all my family and my friends (new and old) I love u with all my heart and I appreciate you. Without you, who would I become?

A moment of silence for both families.

Until Later
~J

Neuro referral!!!!

I finally got it!!! I called the small city clinic this morning to talk to my pcp's nurse. She told me that it had been "faxed" over on Friday by someone but they never told me. I told her that they didn't want a fax that they actually need to TALK with someone. She told me as soon as we hung up she would call and then call me back.
And she did!! Called me within 10 mins and told me that the BIG CITY office will be calling me within 5-7 business days to have them call me to talk to me about symptoms and also to schedule. She also said based on the questions that she answered they are thinking of referring me to the headache clinic. At this point, I don't care what neurologist sees me, I just want to be seen. And who knows....maybe all this peripheral pain, numbness, and tingling is caused by some sort of headache?? Or it's not?? Can't wait for them to call me to ask me the questions.

Getting ready for work in a bit. I am still exhausted by my chores I did this morning. It really does wear me out!!

Until Later
~J

Sunday, February 17, 2013

slow day and that is okay!

been taking it easy, not doing a whole lot. haven't felt great but haven't felt too crummy, but I don't want to push it. I wanna feel good for work tomorrow.
One thing that I know I will be doing tomorrow is first thing at 8 am is calling my DOCTOR's OFFICE and getting the nurse to call the big city neurology office, and WILL GIVE THEM MY REFERRAL!!!! UGH....that nurse better be there, or I will go into the office and walk the doc through the referral process myself. Okay maybe not really, BUT I will be VERY VERY ANGRY!!!

whew....okay, I cant get worked up.

The hubs took chitlin over to the in laws today. I wanted to go, but just wasn't feeling "right" and really wanted to just take it easy today. I know they understand. They are pretty awesome that way!


I am going to get cozy in bed. maybe watch a movie, and just let my body rejuvenate. or at least just relax. =-) 77 days!!! yahooo!!!


Until Later
~J

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Oh boy.....just call me nauseous.

Unbelievable!!! I can't even believe how grossly nauseous I am right now!! And where it comes from??? Seriously outta no where!!! I was gaggy earlier, but now, I'm just down right nauseous. I can feel it in my chest, my throat, my eyes, the back of my skull. It just takes over. I'm in the living room on the chair, and I can't even move to go to bed. Watching my right thumb type this is enough to blech.... I'm done for the night. Gonna get up in a few mins and take my meds and try to sleep. Hope the nausea isn't too much.
78 days!!! 78 freaking days!! Oh side note, I told the hubs that today, 78 days...his response, "that's still a long ways away! It's more than 2 months! I coulda belted him!! Lol :) rule number 1 about HG NOTHING is a long ways away!!! Everything is one day closer!! Boy did he get an earful he wasn't expecting ;) lol poor guy! 78 days and he won't have to worry ;) lmao!!

Until Later
~J

5 hours, I made it 5 hours

I worked 5 hours today!!! I'm beat, exhausted, gaggy, and beyond tired!!! I know 5 hours doesn't seem like much, but it is!!! I'm hoping to sleep in tomorrow and catch up. Not going to do a whole lot that's for sure.

Made chitlin supper and soon we will snuggle in to watch a movie. I hope she will be ready, BECAUSE I was HOURS ago!!!

Until Later
~J

Friday, February 15, 2013

Still no referral....79 days left!!!!!

Yep still no referral!! Doc was in today but not the nurse. When I called I was told I'd have to wait til Monday because, "the doc doesn't know how to do referral calls" beyond fed up!! Switched everything over from little city to Big City!! Adios crappy health care system!

79 days!! 79 days and this beautiful dancing baby girl will be here!!! I am so excited!!! The days just keep going down! I just want it over with ;) positive thoughts!!! Watching this baby dance in my belly is just amazing :) it makes it all worth it :)

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Barfy McBarferson

I feel so blechy!!! I had a decent night at work. But now, I'm barfy. I hate instant mashed potatoes with gravy and boy was that not the right thing to do :(

Watching Glee hoping to keep it all down and then going to bed. I'm getting used to the earlier bed times. THAT is AMAZING that I even think that! Lol

Until Later
~J

Got my referral!!! BUT......

I went in to my primary doc today requesting a referral for neurology as I am still having all these symptoms! He whole heartedly agreed I needed a referral and even gave me one to the BIG CITY vs. the crummy one in town!! Thumbs up!!! I leave with my referral, I'm happy things are moving along :D

I call the BIG CITY neurology office and get a very nice woman who tells me that's great I got a referral, but that's not the process they follow....I ALMOST instantly burst into tears!!!! I explained I called on Tuesday...etc...she apologized and explained how it really works (I am crying by this time):
Step 1 u get a referral from ur doc...THEY CALL the BIG CITY office and it is logged and sent to triage.....where it then takes 5-7 days for a triage nurse to return a phone call to the patient to decide who and where they would be best suited to see and schedule ur appointment anywhere from weeks to MONTHS away.
Step 2 call ur insurance to make sure that they cover neurology....CHECK

So, I wouldn't be so upset EXCEPT...my doc and his nurse are out of the office for the test of today prolonging the whole thing. I call my docs office asking if another nurse could call in the referral as EVERYTHING that is needed is in my chart. It's all epic, easily accessed. I could tell u where everything is. The receptionist says to me, I'm pretty sure another nurse is not able to access that information and it wouldn't be recommended that someone other than ur doc or nurse go in ur chart. REALLY??? Come on lady!!! I work in the same damn system as you!!! U r giving me a line of bull$hit. Ugh....so now I wait and prolong my appointment even further. I really wouldn't care, but tmrw is Friday which is basically the weekend and u know nothing is going to start moving then. It's just going to sit in the system :(
1 victory to 1 defeat!!
I guess I've waited 22weeks what's 2 more!

Thanks for listening to me vent....hopefully I'll have better news tomorrow.

I'm exhausted and need a nap, but have to work soon. Blech!!! Really wish I didn't have to work! I'd love to be independently wealthy. Lol one can dream right???

Until Later
~J

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I tried giving HG up for Lent....

But it wouldn't LEAVE!!! For reals!!! As u know I'm not overly religious, but every year I participate in Lent. I think it's the whole "challenge" of it all. I've been VERY successful in the past, that has lead to healthy choices and lifestyle changes. This year however, I'm not sure what to give up? Red meat?? Oh wait....lol kinda part of lent already AND not a fan really right now. I can't give up pop since some weeks root beer is all I can handle. I'd LOVE to give up vomiting! That'd be sweet! Can't give up carbs or sugar since I live on them as well...maybe I will increase something instead of give something up....I will spend more time with Chitlin!! There, that's what I am going to do ;) ill try to do more things with her when I'm home ;)

9:42pm peeps, Bed time!! And before 10! I'm getting better at this

Until Later
~J

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Eye doc today

Went to the eye doc today to see if she could give me some answers about my left eye symptoms...she came back with I have 20/20 vision and the inside of my eyes look good. They gave me a visual field test.
Has anyone done one of these?? It took about 7 mins an eye, and it was really stressful!! They patch one eye and u stare at this orange light and then they flash all these lights and ur head is in this dome thing. Then u click a button when u see a light. Then u switch eyes. I was stressed doing it because my eyes kept going out of focus and dry and I wanted to look around but I couldn't!!! Apparently I did ok on it.
She asked my history and why I was coming there and I filled her in, she said, have u seen a neurologist? I about died! How long have I been saying I need to want to see one? So today started the process of seeing a neurologist.
Step 1 call the neurology office: "please tell me how to get an appointment at ur office"---check
Step 2 call my primary doc's nurse--make appt for Thurs to tell him I WANT a referral for a neurologist in the BIG CITY!! I am not screwing around anymore!! ---partial check
Step 3 call ins company tmrw to check referral status needed from them
Step 4 call back neurology office with all the info I have!!!

Ill keep u all posted! I'm exhausted tonight, and will be going to bed shortly. Will have to take my meds a bit early so I don't have to wake up later to take them.

Until Later
~J

Monday, February 11, 2013

Heavy feeling and feeling off

I still don't feel right and my legs and arms feel so heavy. I dislike this feeling. My legs are the worst. I feel like I can barely move them.
The doc finally called me back only to say that he wanted to see how I feel tmrw and if I feel like I need to come in we can discuss it further at another appointment! Ugh! WTF?? Of course I wanna be seen. I shoulda just said yes, I want an appointment, but I'm not thinking clearly.
I need to look up if anywhere on line that my side effects are side effects from my meds. The whole heavy body, light headedness is just too much to deal with right now.
What to do? I'm really not looking at going into the ER and I'm sure the hubs wouldn't be enthused either. Plus, I don't know what they would do for me? Send me up to labor and delivery maybe. And maybe an OB would look at me? I guess I just don't know what to do. I just want this done!
Until Later
~J

UGH!!!! I am over this....

I am so over this $hit!!! I know I ONLY 83 days left of this pregnancy and I KNOW I should be thankful for this little princess I am carrying....BUT this HG crap....I am OVER it. I am over the bizarre crap that is happening to me, I am over not being able to be myself, I am over having my life ruined by some dumb illness, I over that I am constantly sick, I am over EVERYTHING.

I have every right to whine. This sucks, And I want everyone to know it!!!! I still haven't slept, and I am SURE that is part of my neurosis today. God help me not be crazy today. The pain, is just yucky.

I am over this!!!

Until Later
~J

Grandpa, I'm sorry, but I HATE HG!!

I haven't been asleep since 145am. This is horrible!!! I'm on the verge of both vomiting and crying!!! I hate this!! Every time my body attempts to doze off I get that light headed feeling where ur head is detaching from ur body, and it feels like its just floating. Then my legs and arms get really heavy and I can't move them and then ugh....I can't even talk about it!!! I'm getting worked up about it!
I am going to call the doc when they open. I don't know if they can "do" anything for these symptoms, but all I know is that I can't physically function like this!
I don't know if it is one specific thing, my guess is not!!! I'm guessing it is a multitude of things: HG, Meds, hormones, possible dehydration (I've been doing good tho), nutrition or lack there of, Anxiety, anemia, low blood pressure, pain...I suppose the list can go on and on. I don't want it to tho, I want it just to be over.
I'm tired of this all, such an understatement. It is so hard to put in words how my body feels, how I feel. I know I overuse the word bizarre, but really it's the best word I have. I don't have another one.
Having your body go through pregnancy has enough bizarre changes of its own without adding HG to the mix. Add HG and u are just...just...f*^<£+d. There is no other way to say it.
83 days left of this hell. 83 days until we can welcome our little princess. 83 days to try and figure out how I'm going to make it 83 days. *SIGH* I know people say, "God doesn't give u anything u can't handle." But on days and nights like this....I beg to differ. I really do. I wonder what the motive is here??!! What is the underlying message from God, from my body, from myself??? I hate this...I really do!! I was once told by my grandpa to never use the word hate, as it is so strong and powerful. He taught me to use dislike...well Grandpa, I'm sorry, BUT I HATE HG!!!

Until Later
~J

145am wake up call??!! Wha???

I was awoken abruptly by hearing Chitlin call out in her sleep. It was bizarre, because it was similar to how I woke up the other night so quickly! I seriously was up instantly, but not dry heaving....not yet anyway. I lay awake listening and didn't hear her again so I tried to go back to sleep at no avail! In fact, anxiety stepped up to the plate and started taking swings! Ugh damn anxiety! My heart started racing, my pulse super fast! Easily close to 100. I realize then I'm not going to be able to sleep so for distraction I check on Chitlin, who has kicked off her covers, but otherwise fine. I decide to use the bathroom, which is a rare occur acne for me at night EVEN when 28 weeks preggers!!! (Woot woot) while going, I have some discomfort and realize its gonna be awhile that I'm on the toilet. Whilst sitting there my pulse starts to race once more and I start to get that icky pukey taste in my mouth...."Distraction" I think!!! So I look through the bathroom drawers and find a crossword book....which is convenient, considering I was in Chitlin's bathroom. I sit there awhile yet, surprised at how well my brain functions so close to 2am. Anxiety still in full force! I finish up in the bathroom, still not feeling right. I go into my room and grab my pillow, phone, meds and iPod and head into our bedroom where the hubs is fast asleep. He wakes when I turn on the light in the bathroom and asks, "r u sleeping in here?" As he rolls over to make room for me. I get gaggy but managed to say, "yes, I don't feel right" and go into the bathroom. Which is where I am now. Perched upon Chitlin's foot stool in front of the toilet, I just cleaned before I picked up my iPod to blog.
I still feel very off. My pulse has lowered a bit, but now I have stomach discomfort AND I'm gaggy. Quite frankly, I don't know which end it is going to come out of!! My only hope is that it is just ONE and not both, or at least ONE at a time!! Because sittin on the crapper while puking, is NOT one of my favorite things in the world.
Anxiety is still full force with What if questions??? And when questions?? I hate this!!! Up until Friday in the wee hours things had been going well for about a month!! Actually it was a month. My last barfing episodes were 1/7 when my dad had to drive me to the doc and I had vertigo! Thank god I don't have vertigo again, but this feeling is similar, yet different.
As I sit here crouched in front of the cold porcelain throne, my right arm resting on it (don't worry I scrubbed it) I am thinking that I need to invent some type of swing arm that attaches to the bowl that allows u to lean, and rest on while emptying the nothings that are coming up. It could fold down and attach on the one side and when the time arises you flip it up, swing it over, and attach it to the other side for added support and strength. Yeah, there's a limited market for this (1% of all pregnant women), but think of what a nicety it would be. Even when sleeping in the bathroom, you could just prop yourself up on that ledge arms folded and BAM asleep! Oh boy, the ideas are flowing now!!! I must be insane! It's 231am and I'm sitting in front of the damn toilet inventing products to help the modern HG woman. God help us all!!!
Gonna try some sips of water then crawl into bed with the hubs in hopes that 1. I don't vomit 2. I don't have to poop 3. I am able to sleep 4. My anxiety wains so I can continue with #3 seeing as how I must work in the morning.

Until Later
~J

Sunday, February 10, 2013

My eyes are closed, I'm in bed under the covers

This means IM SLEEPING!!!!!
Why is this a hard concept to grasp???
If I don't answer u, it's because I'm trying REALLY hard to go back to sleep after u woke me up!!

So besides doing a lot of sleeping the past couple of days, I've been taking it really easy. I don't want to over do it again. I've also noticed I've been eating sugar like its going out of style!!! Cookies, cake, cocoa Rice Krispie treats!!! Yes I finally made them!!!

My head is swimming now tho :/ it's a really hard feeling to describe...
My head typically just the left side feels full. The pain at the base of my skull never seems to end, and travels up my skull in a linear pattern. Then the light headedness begins....it's just sooo weird. The perspective I have is just bizarre. Of course i think other things, stroke anuresyms, etc....but then I think of the MILLIONS of people who have debilitating migraines, I mean ones that leave them with no relief and no explanation and wonder how they go on??? And then think how I hope my pains will be done after baby girl is here!!

Perspective is a tricky thing!!

Still craving cheese curds and hoping that the hubby will run to the store for some for me :)

Friday, February 8, 2013

Spending the night at ma and dad's

The hubs and chitlin are up north visiting the hubs grandma. I decided to stay at my parents so I wouldn't be alone tonight.
I'm very tired!!! Physically and mentally. I think I just did too much too fast this week.
You think I'd learn by now, just because I feel good doesn't mean I can do everything!! I gotta just relax. It's just so hard when I have a good day and I want to do something good and I can't do anything!
So hard!!
12 weeks and 2 days to go!!!!

Until Later
~J

Getting my fix!!!

Second bag of fluids is running in!! I feel better, but still no urge to void yet. Hopefully after this one.
The poor nurse got blood on my pants!! They r my favorite jogging pants, but I'm ok with it!! She almost started crying!! Poor lady!!
I'm exhausted and ready to sleep the night away! Thinking ill spend the night at my parents!

Until Later
~J

Vomiting again

Man, this is awesome!!! * note the sarcasm
This time tho...I got to run to Chitlin's bathroom and empty out there!!! I literally ran from our bedroom to her BR. As I flash by Hubs says, "what is going on?!" And Chitlin says, "oh, mom's just gonna puke"

She knows me so well!! Good grief!!! I will be calling the doc later this morning and I will be getting fluids!
Ugh!!! Another poke! This is again: GOING TO BE AWESOME!! Although, I am overdue for fluids if u think about it. Lol

Off to try and shower. Hope I don't blow chow in there too!!!

Until Later
~J

Yep, this is what I was missing!!! Did I just wet myself???

OMG!!! 4:30 nausea wake up call AGAIN!!! This is horrible!!! Let me fill u in! ( I hope my iPod doesn't end up in the toilet!)
430 I'm literally jolted awake by nausea, and the light headedness. I toss I turn, I count slowly (sometimes it helps. It helped when I woke at 230 today) anyway...I'm sleeping, well trying to, in the bedroom with the hubs, he asked if he could put his arm around me and I told him I was just to nauseous. I barely get the words out and I'm dry heaving!!
Panic sets in immediately because I know my toilet isn't "clean" yes, it's clean, but I need it to be cleaned before I can puke in it. Weird I know....I instantly start crying, I jump, yes JUMP out of bed run for the cleaning closet grab my trusty Lysol wipes and beeline for the bathroom, dry heaving and crying the whole time (30 seconds can seem like FOREVER!!!)
I get in the bathroom dry heaving, while wiping the toilet down and THEN...it happens....I WET myself! Oh yeah, let the flood gates open!! Well now who cares if my damn toilet is clean??? I just peed myself! Well what better accompanies peeing yourself than puking! Man, I am on a ROLL!!! Puke cleaned up, Me cleaned up, new pjs on, and now I'm sitting on my daughter's foot stool in front of the toilet!!! Ugh!!! I'm exhausted: physically and mentally. I'm freezing, AND I need to be up in 3.5 hours!!!
HG hates me tonight!! No, not tonight, TODAY! It is almost 5am!! HG hates me TODAY! Ugh... I have so much to do today! 1 MUST do, and the rest not as important.
Gonna try to sleep AGAIN! Wish me luck!

Until Later
~J

This is a first!

Well, like my title says....this is a first! I woke up at 2:30am feeling pukey and gaggy!! Waking up through out the night is not unusual for me; I just roll over and go back to sleep, but tonight...not the case!!! I didn't take my unisom tonight as it was so late, I didn't want to feel groggy for tomorrow as I have some pretty important stuff going on. So I passed on it. I've done it before, but never felt like this!! So I got up, felt a little light headed, took a zofran and went to lay back down.
I don't know if it was because I'm feeling nauseous or I moved to quickly, but I had that, body moving fast than ur brain can process...while laying down. Ugh so horrible. Once my brain caught up, I realized my stomach was hurting and I was having gas pain (I think). So I get up to go to the bathroom but nothing :/
And now, I'm having some front lower left pain. Baby was moving around so I'm not too worried about that, but I'm just really pukey and really uncomfortable.
I'm not okay with this! Lol who would be right??! I'm going to try and fall back asleep, but I already know how THAT is going to go....how LAME!!!
Hour by hour right??? It all can change!
Hope I'm not blogging again tonight! Hope I can sleep!

Until Later
~J

Thursday, February 7, 2013

This $hit messes you up!!

The title, a quote from a fellow HGer!!
I couldn't say it any better! Seriously! During a time in our life when it is supposed to be happy and joyous...us HGers have our $hit messed up and WE didn't ask for it to be!
We r vomiting
We r nauseous
We r weak
We r hurting
We r vulnerable
We r sick
We r lab rats
We r pin cushions
We r alone
We r in pain
We r isolated
We r depressed
We r anxiety ridden
We r not ourselves
We r not human
-------------------/ but then.....
We r fighters
We r survivors
We r strong
We r providers
We r trying
We r alive
We r proud
We r here
We r waiting
We r human
We r mom

HG messes our $hit up! From one day to the next, cripes from hour to hour...we are a different person. Sometimes we might be someone we aren't proud of, or happy with, or even able to understand what happened to us. But sometimes...we are happy, and we r proud, and u know what...we do "get it"

And that ladies, is what makes us some of the strongest ladies! I'm proud to be an HGer. Do I like having it?! Hell no!! Will I do this again??? 99.9% I will not. But I can say, I'm proud to tell people what HG is, I'm proud I'm still plugging along (thank you God, for not listening to me when I was weak), and I'm proud to have u all as my friends!

And to all my readers...thanks for taking this journey with me!! Where would I be without you!!

Until Later
~J


Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Doc appointment today

first, i want to say....88 days to go!! actually this day is DONE lets just call it 87! WOOT WOOT!!! awesome.

Today  I had a good day. I am thankful for that. Because I had to do my glucose testing today. The Glucola went down adn stayed down. not a problem. I was a little jittery, but that was okay. 2 hours later I was gaggy....and I was gaggy for the rest of the night. I ended up taking my zofran every 3 hours and that really helped. But...Man, my stomach was not happy. I hope I passed the damn thing! THERE IS NO WAY i am going to do the 3 hour one. put me on a Gestational Diabetes Diet and I will do the best I can! LOL!!

I gained 3 more pounds!!! SO I have gained back a total of 7 of the 22 i originally lost. I WAS SOO HAPPY!!! and my OB was more happy that I was happy. It was funny to see his face when I went to High 5 him over those 3 pounds! BAH HA HA HA!!!

What else....Oh right...so i talked to him about my migraines and he says that based on where they are etc that he believes that they are muscle tension headaches and gave me some things to do to help them. he used big muscle words and point of insertion and origin...I just nodded and said okay, I hope it helps. =-)

I told him that my left side is still rebelling this pregnancy and explained all my left side only symptoms. He had no explanation except sometimes that happens and it is weird. then he clarified that I WAS NOT WEIRD, that the fact that my left side is rebelling is weird. I think he really thought HE OFFENDED ME! PUH LEASE!!! takes more than that! LOL!!! So in talks of my left side weirdness...I mentioned about how i rarely feel baby girl on the left side and how she is almost ALWAYS on the right. He went to measure my uterus and said, "Well as you can see (his hands on my FINALLY growing belly) this is the edge of you uterus on the left side: about an inch from your belly button." Then he moves his hand to the right and he said the edge of my uterus on the right is like 4-5 inches on the right of my belly button. He said that it isn't where one side grows and the other doesn't. Sorry, I have such mush brain right now I am forgetting most of the big fancy words. But that in fact my entire uterus is shifted and is hanging out in the right side of my torso!!! how weird!!!

This Pregnancy is just Fubared from one thing to the next! i give up trying to figure anything out about it anymore. if I can just make it through the next 87 days ;)  I am GOOD A GOLD!!!! that is 12 weeks and 3 days to go... is that right??? let me do the math real quick....yep!!! 12 weeks 3 days....I am SOOOOOOO happy!!!! Oh, I am happy!!!

I am hoping tomorrow I can have a "good" day too, but it has been such a long day today. I am just going to think positively.

Night peeps, I am done.

Until Later
~J

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Migraine today Glucose test tmrw

Well all day, all day I have had a migraine. I wish I wasn't so scared to take my Tylenol with codine!! The doc says its okay to take, but I'm sure it will just make me tired!! And sleep and that won't fix the migraine, just mask it! I'm 99% sure it's from the zofran. And god knows I need my zofran! Not going down THAT road again!! I can pin point the spots on my skull that hurt!! All on the left side. Every time I get these damn migraines I constantly worry about freaking aneurysms!! Ugh!!! Then I logically tell myself ,"no" but then anxiety says it could happen!! Sooo happy when this pregnancy is over to NOT have pregnancy anxiety anymore!!! So dumb right?? I've had my trusty old microwave hot pack with me all day :) sooo nice ;) surely gonna ask the doc about it tmrw as it still only affects my left side, nothing on the right!! So weird!!

Glucola yeah that's the nasty pure orange drink I get to drink in 5 mins and then wait 1 hour to get my blood drawn. I'm worried!!! Yes, me worried!! Go figure right?!?! Lol
My first pregnancy I did this, I failed :( and then felt like I was going to DIE during the 3 hour one!! No joke! I was so dehydrated they had to do blood draws out of my HANDS!! That $hit hurts!!! It was also 5 years ago and I can remember EXACTLY how it went!!
So for tmrw I'm hoping all goes okay and I don't yak it up!! Can u imagine ORANGE glucola all over the gray carpet!!! Ooh not good! Lol. If I do vomit, at least ill be at the doc office and I can get some IV fluids while I am there ;) LOL!!

I asked the nurse today if I could get a full blood work up just to see where my vitamin levels are since they are going to do iron anyway. She said they don't do lipid panels when pg. I don't want my cholesterol checked!!! I want my bit D my B's my magnesium, etc checked! Who cares about cholesterol??!!! Not me!!!

Anyway, I'm sure ill be blogging about this tmrw while its happening. Fingers crossed!!! Fingers crossed!!!

Until Later
~J

Monday, February 4, 2013

Tonight, Tonight, Tonight...oh...oh

Well I was I bed on time but the sleep thing hasn't happened yet. :( hoping soon. Laying here awake trying to will myself to sleep. Lol news flash Joleen, it doesn't work. All it does is make my mind wander and think $hitty thoughts I don't want to think about, but it's too late to shut them off! Damn it!! And so starts or continues the insomnia and starts the Anxiety...ugh...lame, but here goes....
Tonight I'm sleeping in the same bed as my hubby. For a couple of reasons. 1, I love him. 2, anxiety has gotten the best of me and once again I worried something will happen to me in my sleep. Therefore IF something were to happen, then my hubby would be able to deal with it in the AM thusly sparing my chitlin. UGH! I can't believe I just typed that out?! Who the frick thinks of $hit like that?? Oh yeah, women who have been Dx with HG, are extremely anxiety ridden, and slightly depressed. GOOD LORD!!!
Anxiety makes me do and think lots of things I don't want to. Freakin $hit. Apparently tonight it's making me swear a lot as well.
My migraine is creeping back as well. Pfft! I've broken out my old trusty hot pack u warm up in the microwave. LOVE it. It's already cooling off :/ this hot pack and I...we go back, WAY back!! I remember having the hubs warm it up past hot to Disco Inferno for me. He'd bring it in wearing "the ove glove" one of the best inventions..anyway he'd drop the scorching hot pack on the bed and I'd get it positioned just right to BURN the left side of the base of my skull!! It would be so hot that it would actually numb out the pain I was going through. Crazy stuff! I did that for weeks! this hot pad was like my teddy bear!! It's nice to have u old friend.

As it cools down I'm brought to thinking about my life and how it has changed over the last 27 weeks!! 27 weeks??? Can u even believe that??!! I am so thankful to have made it this far!! I would never in a million days, would have ever, ever, had made it to this day!! And mostly because I figure I wasn't gonna make it or this princess baby girl wasn't going to.
Miracles really do happen, and they happen for specific reasons! I have NO IDEA yet of the specific reason of this little miracle, but come hell or high water we'll figure it out together.

Off to bed!!!!!! I hope!!!

Until Later
~J

Down, but then back up

Today I couldn't work at the school :( I was too barfy and too exhausted!! I dropped chitlin off at school and came home to sleep I was barely able to stay awake long enough to set my alarm. I was out!!! And even when my alarm went off 1.75 hours later, I still laid in bed for 20 mins. Trying to get up enough energy to even get out of bed.

I finally did and headed to the chiropractor. Got adjusted and headed into my other job. Meetings, and treatment as usual. I was super hot today tho and that never happens.

I had a great talk with a good friend and it made me feel "normal." I cried, I laughed, I smiled, I frowned. And it felt okay. I struggled to keep the nausea at bay but it was worth it today. Thank you friend <3

Nausea is such a wicked beast. I know I have said this 100 times and I could say it 100 more!! The varying degrees are insane and the lingering affects/effects which ever lol, is just unfathomable!!! As I lay in bed now typing this I have the puke lump in my throat. I've taken all my meds, but doesn't matter. :x

In bed by 9 and hopefully asleep by 930. Hoping to not be in bed all day tmrw!!!
Fingers crossed for me peeps! Lol much love to u all for reading and keeping up with my crazy life and its many ups and downs!!!

Until Later
~J

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Sweats

I spent my entire day in sweatpants and a hoodie, even when I went to work. I feel like poop can't wait to go to bed. After Downton Abbey of course. My new rule I'm gonna try is to be in bed by 9 and asleep by 930. We will see if pregnancy insomnia plays along ;)

Hope u r enjoying the Bowl that is Super ;)

Until Later
~J

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Yucky

I've felt yucky all day. Tonight is worse. My pulse at rest is 85. :/ and my chest hurts. Anxiety I'm sure. And I'm just very very barfy. Where I wish I could yack, but if I did, I'd still feel gross!! I'm trying to eat my coco wheats right now, but I can't even take a bite.

I am sitting on the couch, waiting to go to sleep. Too bad I feel like complete poop. Will be choking down my unisom and B6 here pretty quick so I can get to sleep. I also think I will be grabbing a couple ice cubes Ian squeezing them in my hands to slow my heart rate.
I hate anxiety. I haven't had it too bad or too often lately. But now, right now, I'm feeling it. It's where it scares u into thinking major things are wrong even tho there isn't. I'm completely and utterly afraid I have a pulmonary embolism. Really what are the chances of that??!! Slim to none? But this is what my anxiety does. Blah!!!
Okay, gonna try my coco wheats and bed. Night everyone.

Thanks for reading :D

Until Later
~J

Vicious circle...and no not Dane Cook...I wish ;)

The vicious circle continues of feeling well and doing too much and then being incapacitated. Life with HG sucks. I worked way too many hours yesterday and today it shows. I am supposed to work today....I hope I can keep it together long enough to do my session. :/
Blech or should I say Barfy!

Until Later
~J